


Growing Together

by Angel_Dawn_Nimbus



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: DadBuck, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_Dawn_Nimbus/pseuds/Angel_Dawn_Nimbus
Summary: Buck never expected to be a parent, a single parent at that. Eddie never thought he'd have to be a single father. Their shared experiences bring them together.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 38
Kudos: 423





	1. Leaving Is The Easiest Thing To Do

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the first chapter of my story I started writing a few weeks back. I have 10 chapters written so far. 4-10 are with my lovely beta missmeagan666. 
> 
> I'll be getting chapters out when I can. I don't have a set upload schedule as I am still writing the last 5 chapters. 
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys.

Buck never thought this day would come. It just seemed so surreal when Ali had called to tell him she was in labor. 

Ali had been in labor for the last five hours. She was tiring quickly. Her body wasn't cooperating with her.

It seemed to be fighting against her. 

Ali had been on forced bed rest for the last two months. Ali fought her doctor on it at every turn, she wanted to work, she didn’t just want to lie around and do nothing. 

Ali had gone into labor a month early. It wouldn't of been a huge concern, but Ali had been having a difficult pregnancy.

They knew that Ali going into labor early may end up being a possibility. 

They just hadn’t been expecting for it to happen like this.

Something had gone wrong.

Their little girl’s heartbeat had been dropping with every contraction. Since Ali wasn’t progressing it had been worrying. Ali’s blood pressure had also been dropping with every contraction.

They had to make a call.

They had to rush Ali in for an emergency C-Section. He had been pushed out of the room as a flurry of doctors rushed into the room.

That only made him worry more.

He knew he shouldn’t do it, but he liked to research. He knew what the chances were of their survival. He knew what could go wrong. It was starting to make him panic.

It terrified him that there was nothing he could do but wait.

He was pacing the halls waiting anxiously to hear if Ali and their little girl survived.

Buck had called Bobby in a blind panic. He didn’t know who else to call. He had only been with the 118 just under a year, but Bobby had become a father figure to him.

His own parents were in Pennsylvania. They were trying to get out here as soon as they could, but Buck needed someone with him. 

“Buck!" Bobby was barrelling down the hall, he was looking frantic.

Buck hadn’t said much to Bobby over the phone. All he had said was he needed him at the hospital. There were also a few other words jumbled in there that didn’t make much sense.

Buck threw himself into Bobby’s arms. He finally let a few tears out. He was terrified. No one had given him any updates.

“What’s going on Buck?"

“Ali went into labor. She’s having an emergency c-section."

Buck slumped down onto the floor and leant up against the wall. Bobby slid down the wall next to him.

Bobby didn’t know what to say. Instead, he gripped onto Buck’s hand and squeezed. Buck needed him right now.

He would be there anyway Buck needed. It seemed like Buck needed moral support more than anything right now.

“Mr. Buckley?"

A doctor had stepped into the waiting room. He was looking around trying to find Buck. Buck scrambled to his feet and turned his attention to the doctor.

“That’s me."

“You can come see your daughter. We’ve had to take her to the NICU. Right now, we are monitoring her."

Buck scrambled to his feet and followed the doctor towards the NICU. Buck turned to make sure that Bobby was following. He needed him.

“How is Ali doing?"

“Ms. Martin is resting. Everything went smoothly."

Buck and Bobby were directed to scrub their hands and arms before putting gowns on.

They entered the room where Ali and Buck’s little girl was being held.

“Here she is."

Buck’s world stopped.

That’s all he could do to describe it.

She was tiny.

He hadn’t expected her to be that small.

Buck hesitantly reached a hand forward, but quickly snatched it back.

“It’s ok. You can touch her."

The doctor opened one of the windows on the incubator for Buck to put his hand through. Buck was actually terrified. He didn’t want to hurt her. Bobby gently pushed Buck forward.

Buck reached through and gently brushed a finger along her tiny hand. It was warm and smooth. Buck was holding his breath. Her fingers found Buck’s and gripped on tightly.

He was lost to her.

_

Buck didn’t want to drag himself away from his and Ali’s little girl. He knew he needed to go visit Ali.

Bobby had stayed with Buck the entire time. It was understandable that he had been scared to touch her. She was so little. They were told that she weighed five pounds exactly. Buck couldn’t quite comprehend how she was that little.

“What names did you and Ali come up with?"

They were walking down the halls heading back to Maternity. Buck wanted to go back to the NICU, he was fighting against himself.

“We were thinking Charlotte Jane."

They came to Ali’s room and gently knocked.

There was no answer, but Buck stepped into the room anyway.

He wasn’t expecting the room to be empty.

The sheet and blanket on the bed were rumpled.

Where was she?

She just had emergency surgery. She should be resting.

“What’s going on?"

Buck was starting to panic.

Had Ali left him?

It made no sense to him. How was Ali able to leave the hospital after having emergency surgery?

Where did she go?

Why did she go?

Buck pressed the call button.

He had gone numb.

Ali was gone.

_

“Diaz. You have a call."

Eddie was sitting staring off into space. He couldn’t quite comprehend what his Mom had been telling him over the phone.

His Mom kept trying to tell him that Shannon had left.

It didn’t make any sense to him.

Shannon had taken their son Christopher to Eddie’s parents for the day like she usually did. At the end of the day, she never picked him up.

That wasn’t like her.

At least Eddie was coming to the end of his tour; he was being sent home in a couple of days. His parents would keep Christopher until he got back.

Eddie was being sent home, permanently. He was retiring. It had been a long process, filling out forms and organizing transportation back to the States.

_

It had been a long trip home. He had been on edge the entire time. He needed to hold Christopher close. To show him that he was still there and wasn’t going anywhere.

His parents had come to pick him up from the airport. They had Christopher with them.

As soon as Christopher had seen Eddie, his face had lit up and he had reached out his arms wanting to be held. Eddie had dropped his bag and pulled Christopher tightly to his chest.

_

Eddie carried Christopher into the house.

Christopher was drooling against his shoulder.

He had grown so much since he had last seen him.

Eddie had been a coward after they had gotten Christopher’s Cerebral Palsy diagnosis. He could admit to himself that he had run away. Feeling Christopher cling to him, he didn’t know why he ran in the first place. This was his son. There was nothing scary about him. Eddie was going to do everything he could to help Christopher with his CP.

Eddie saw a sheet of paper sitting on the dining room table, he was curious. Maybe Shannon had left a note as an explanation.

Instead, what Eddie had found was divorce papers. Shannon had already signed them and left them for Eddie to find.

He couldn’t break now. He had to put Christopher to bed, then he could fall apart.

Eddie walked down the hall to Christopher’s bedroom. It hadn’t changed much. There were wall stickers of Winnie the Pooh characters on the wall. Christopher’s first and middle name painted in a flowing script on the wall above the crib.

The large white crib was nestled into the corner with a pale blue blanket rumpled and pushed to the end of the bed. A stuffed snowy owl speckled with gray was sitting in the corner of the crib. Eddie had brought it for Christopher when he was born.

He always slept with it, keeping it close. 

There was a chest of toys, with a few spilling out. A dresser off to the side and a plush rocking chair sitting in the corner.

Eddie sat himself into the chair. Carefully arranging Christopher in his arms. He used his foot to push off the floor to start gently rocking the chair.

A tear slipped down Eddie’s cheek. 


	2. Do You Need A Hand?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support on the first chapter. I've been working on the last few chapters. My lovely Beta missmeagan666 has been working on editing the chapters I have sent her. 
> 
> Here is chapter 2

* * *

Evan Buckley had been trying to comfort Charlotte for what seemed like forever. He didn’t know why she was so distressed.

He was sitting in the pediatrics waiting room, trying to soothe Charlotte.

She wouldn’t stop crying.

Charlotte had started crying the moment they stepped foot into the pediatrics waiting room.

No matter what he did, she just cried. He was ready to cry himself at this rate.

They had needed to come in for her regular scheduled checkup. She hadn’t been reaching the milestone stages like a child her age would. It wasn’t a huge concern; she was taking things at her own pace. She didn’t start walking until she was almost two. She didn’t say her first word until she was almost three.

Buck was still learning how to be a single parent. He was learning new things every day. There were times Charlotte didn't make it easy for him. He had to find other ways to communicate with Charlotte. They were managing. That didn’t mean it wasn’t hard.

They had the 118 there for support from day one. They were always there to lend a hand whenever Buck needed one. He needed the help more than he would like to admit. 

They stuck together. 

Buck had thought she left the terrible twos behind her once she turned three. He was completely wrong. She was normally a happy child, but there were days like today where she just broke down for no reason it seemed.

He was getting a lot of uncomfortable stares from other parents. People were judgemental about crying babies. They would give death stares, but they’d never offer to help. He was going to break sooner or later.

It always broke his heart when Charlotte cried and there was nothing he could do. He would even accept a stranger's help at this point.

He was trying to keep himself calm. He knew that babies could feel their parent’s stress. He had been trying everything he could think of to soothe her. He cuddled her, tried to distract her, rock her, talk to her. He even tried singing to her. If anything, that made her cry more.

He was about to get up and start pacing when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Hey Man. Do you need a hand?" Buck's head shot up. There was a young man standing in front of him who looked to be around late twenties or maybe even early thirties. He was holding a young boy with glasses strapped to his face. He looked to be Charlotte’s age.

Buck was a little wary to hand Charlotte over to a stranger. He knew he was being a little overprotective. Yet, he was almost at his breaking point. 

He needed the help if he was being honest.

Buck really didn’t want to start crying in the pediatrics waiting room.

“Please."

Buck could hear his voice cracking a little.

The man sat his son down on the seat next to Buck and held his arms out to take Charlotte off Buck’s hands.

Buck pressed a kiss to Charlotte’s head and handed her over.

The man paced up and down the length of the waiting room. His lips were moving, but Buck was unable to hear what he was saying. Charlotte was calming down though. Buck could hear that her cries were turning into splutters and hiccups. 

Buck turned his attention to the small boy sitting next to him. 

“Hey, Buddy."

Buck held onto his little waist. He didn’t want him to fall off the chair.

He was cute. He had a pair of black glasses strapped to his face they framed his pale blue eyes. He was looking up at Buck curiously.

The young boy reached a hand up and brushed his fingers against Buck’s birthmark.

Buck smiled down at him. Everyone was always curious about the birthmark. A lot of people just assumed that he had gotten into a fight and it was a bruise.

“It’s a birthmark. I was born like this."

He blinked up at Buck and grinned. 

Buck didn’t want to assume, but he had a theory that the young boy had Cerebral Palsy. He didn’t have a lot of muscle tone in his legs. He seemed like a cheerful child despite that.

Having Cerebral Palsy didn’t mean he couldn’t do things like other children. He just would have a few limitations to be mindful of.

The young boy sat next to Buck chatting about Winne the Pooh. He pulled his backpack over and tried to get the bag open.

Once he was able to, he pulled out a Winnie the Pooh book. He looked up at Buck with pleading eyes.

“P- please?"

“Sure, Buddy."

Buck opened the book and started reading softly to the young boy.

“ _Our story begins, as most of our stories do, with a little bear named Winne the Pooh...'_

Buck got through the first couple of pages of the book when he was cut off mid-sentence. The man came back carrying a now calm Charlotte.

“Sorry Buddy. It seems like your Daddy has interrupted our Storytime."

The young boy pouted a little. Buck closed the book and put it back into the backpack and zipped it up.

“She has finally calmed down I think."

Charlotte had her head resting against the man’s shoulder. Her face was wet with tears. She looked like she had cried herself to exhaustion. She was watching her Dad with weary eyes.

“It’s getting to her nap time. Usually, I wouldn’t book a doctor’s appointment this late in the day for her, but it was the only time I could get off."

“I hear that. Christopher here is probably ready for his nap too. We need this appointment, don't we Mijo."

Christopher pressed himself to Buck’s chest, he blinked up at Buck sleepily.

“You didn’t need to help us."

“You looked like you needed a break. I wasn’t just going to leave you stranded."

“I’m sorry, that sounded rude. I don’t usually sound that ungrateful, I think I’m just a little stressed,"

Buck checked to make sure that Christopher wasn't going to fall off the chair. 

“Anyway, thank you. You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it all the same. I’m Evan but you can call me Buck and you are holding Charlotte."

Eddie stood rocking Charlotte gently.

“How did you get Buck from Evan?"

“My last name is Buckley. Buck comes from Buckley."

The man continued to gently rock Charlotte in his arms. He didn’t want her to start crying again. Not after he had finally calmed her down. Buck still looked like he was going to break down at any moment if she started up again. 

“Oh, right. Sorry. I’m Eddie. The little guy you are holding is Christopher."

Eddie sat down in the chair next to Buck. He carefully adjusted Charlotte in his arms, so she was resting against his chest.

“You’ll have to teach me your soothing ways. She doesn’t usually have meltdowns like this, but when she does, she really goes for it."

“It seems your little girl here likes Spanish lullabies. Or just talking to her in Spanish."

“Yeah, she definitely won’t be getting that out of me. I cannot sing at all. I made her cry more before when I tried singing to her."

Eddie let out a soft laugh and rubbed Charlotte’s back in soothing circles.

“Thank you for showing us a simple kindness. It’s mostly been just us since Charlotte’s Mom left, just hours after Charlotte had been born."

Buck glanced over at Charlotte sadly. He had a lot of growing up to do once he had become a single father.

He hadn’t been expecting Ali to come into his life. They had been happy together, or so he thought.

He thought she wanted to be with him. Turns out she ran at the first chance she could get. 

Buck understood that Ali had been scared and thought she had to run; he had been terrified of what was coming. He had wanted to run for a split second, but decided that running was taking the easy way out.

“Charlotte Buckley?"

Buck moved Christopher to his hip and heaved himself out of the chair. Buck and Eddie swapped their children back. 

Would Charlotte and Christopher get along if Buck and Eddie set up a playdate for them? 

"Hey Eddie. Before you go..." 


	3. I Don't Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quarantine is slowly going. At least it gives me time to edit. I think by the end we're all going to go a little stir crazy.

When Buck came into work today, he didn’t think this was going to happen...

-

They were all down in the garage working on the trucks or scattered about the garage doing other chores while they waited for their next call. 

Then the entire building started shaking. 

Buck heard Hen call out. “Seven!" in response to Chimney’s “Ok, that’s at least a six!"

Buck was trying to keep himself steady while the building shook around him. He had almost face-planted into the side of the nearest fire truck. He could barely keep his balance while the entire building was shaking.

The oxygen tanks had fallen over and spilled out making it hard to see where he was going. He was trying to find his way out of the chaos to help where he could. He could hear the shouts of the rest of his team, Hen had just pulled Eddie out of the way out of a falling metal beam. 

It was all over in mere moments. 

They didn’t have much time to brace themselves before they got their first call out of the day.

It was all go from there. 

_

_Flashback_

_Bobby had mentioned they were getting a new recruit for their team._

_Buck hadn’t been expecting it to be Eddie._

_He had been running late as Charlotte hadn’t wanted him to leave that morning. She was in her clingy stage. Bobby had been understanding that there would be mornings where he would be running a few minutes behind for some reason or another. There was only so many times Bobby could give him the benefit of the doubt._

_He would always try his hardest to get to work on time. If he couldn’t, then he’d just make up the time and stay an extra hour after shift to help out._

_“Eddie?"_

_Buck had been walking across the station floor while buttoning his shirt. Was that Eddie? It certainly looked like him._

_“Buck?! Hey. Didn’t know you were a firefighter."_

_“Well, we didn’t get much of an opportunity to talk in-depth between Charlotte crying her heart out and Christopher wanting me to read him a story."_

_“Hmm... Yeah, that is a good point."_

_Buck saw Hen and Chimney watching him with puzzled looks. Bobby had gone off to the loft to make the team breakfast._

_“What? Can’t I know people outside of work now?"_

_Buck walked passed them and made his way into the loft following behind Bobby to help make the team breakfast before they were inevitably called out._

_

The fire truck was tearing down the streets with the sirens blaring, weaving through the carnage left by the earthquake. 

They needed to get to their call before the aftershocks hit. They were headed towards a precarious situation.

Their call was at a high rise in the centre of the city. The building was crumbling, and it wasn’t going to take much for it to fully collapse. At least, that’s what they were told over the radio.

As they came into view of the building, they saw how urgent the situation was. It was on a major lean. It was being held together at the seams. Any aftershocks they were inevitably going to get was just going to make the building collapse. 

Buck was trying to get hold of Carla. He wanted to talk to his baby. She always got unsettled during an earthquake. She had been in few other earthquakes before, but they had never been this high of magnitude before.

“Can’t get hold of Charlotte?"

Bobby chimed in through the headsets. 

“There’s no service. Carla will protect her, but I am still worried."

"Let's just get through today. We're going to need all the luck we can get." 

“Let’s move people!"

_

Buck and Eddie were climbing the ladder to the fourth floor. They had to get to the eleventh floor. A man was pressed up against the glass that was threatening to give away beneath him. They had to move quickly. Which wasn’t going to be easy with the building on a lean as it was. 

“You ready for this?"

Buck asked Eddie as they steadily climbed the ladder. Buck wasn’t a religious person, but he prayed that the aftershocks would hold. It would be chaos if the window broke and the man fell. 

They needed to get there before that happened. 

“Guess we have to be."

“Today is going to be a long day."

They got to the end of the ladder and Eddie used a crowbar to smash through the window. 

The way the building was tilted, made moving around a lot harder. Gravity was against them. It was also exhausting. The effort of getting up seven floors was tiring them out. Yet, they still had to push on.

They had people to save. 

_

“This one here."

Buck sawed the lock on the door while Eddie forced it open with a crowbar. 

“Hello. LAFD."

“Oh, in here."

“In here."

The man sounded panicked. Which was understandable, the glass could crack any second. 

There was also a female in the room. The voice sounded a little familiar, but Buck wasn’t focussed too much on that right now. 

Buck was essentially dragged into the room. He gripped tightly onto a door frame to stop himself from being pulled in more. He looked over at Eddie still holding himself at the entrance to the room. 

Buck quickly turned into the room and held onto a piece of furniture that was closest to him. 

“Thank god. Please, please get me out."

“Ali?"

That was definitely Ali’s voice. Buck peered over the bench. 

“Evan? You better rescue me. Don’t be petty just because I left you and our daughter."

“Our daughter?! You’re the one who left us! Not the other way around! She isn’t your daughter. She is mine."

“Buck. Maybe this isn’t the time..." 

Eddie trailed off. He threw Buck a rope to attach it to Ali. 

“Evan. Now isn’t the time. You have to get me out of here."

Ali and Eddie were right, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t angry. 

The next minute seemed to drag but also seemed to move quickly at the same time. Ali had secured herself with the rope. They now had to move fast. The glass had started to crack with the combined weight of the man and the furniture pressed against him. 

“Don’t move... Don’t breathe."

“Hurry- Hurry. It’s starting to crack!"

A spike of fear ran down Buck’s spine.

He knew what was going to happen.

And there wasn’t anything they could do to stop it.

No matter how hard it was to come to terms with.

An aftershock had hit. 

The window smashed and took the man with it.

The rope came loose from around Ali and she fell towards the open window. Buck was feeling a million emotions in that moment. Fear. Panic. Shock. Worry. Exhaustion. Definite anger at Ali. He let all that go.

He needed to help Ali and Eddie.

Just because Buck hated what Ali had done to him and Charlotte, didn’t mean he wanted her to die. Ali fell towards the window and was about to completely fall out of it when Eddie managed to grab onto her arm.

Ali was hanging out of the window with Eddie not too far behind her.

Eddie was straining with the effort to hold Ali up. He only had a grip on one of her hands. It wasn’t a very tight hold. He gripped onto her tighter so she wouldn’t fall. He grabbed onto her arm with his other hand, which left him vulnerable. 

Ali managed to grab hold of both of Eddie’s hands. The weight of everything was pulling him down. He was straining to keep a hold on Ali and keep himself in the building. He prayed Buck had a tight grip on the rope. 

Buck was leaning back as much as he could. He had to figure out a way to pull them both back up. He had to trust his own strength. 

_

It had taken a lot of effort to pull them back in. Buck was exhausted, but they had to keep moving. No matter how much he wanted to sit down and take a breath. They needed to get out before they were hit with more aftershocks. 

Buck didn’t know what to make of the situation with Ali. 

He didn’t know if he was supposed to ask her any questions.

He had a lot of those. 

They kept moving, Buck mostly kept silent as they helped Ali back down the building. They needed to find another exit. Since the building had shifted more during the last aftershock, their exit had been compromised. 

“Are you ever going to talk to me?"

Ali challenged. She was walking in front of him and Eddie was in front of her. 

“I thought you said now wasn’t the time." 

Buck knew he was being a little petty. This also must be uncomfortable for Eddie. He didn’t ask to be in the middle of a quarrel between two ex-lovers.

“We have nothing better to do right now."

“You mean other than staying alive?" Buck grumbled. 

They came to a section where their exit was blocked. 

“Now what?" 

They couldn’t be stuck in here. Ali had to admit she was panicking a little. 

“We go back up." 

_

“Is now a good time?" 

He didn’t want to have this conversation with Ali, but he knew he had to. For the sake of closure.

“Now’s a good time as any."

Buck just wanted to go home and hold Charlotte tight. Instead of sitting through a conversation with Ali. He still wasn't over what she had done to him. 

A shower should probably be first on his list, but he needed to hold his baby after the day he had. 

Buck was gross and sweaty. He had dust in places where it shouldn’t be. His hands had been rubbed raw from the friction of the rope. He had felt the rope through his gloves, cutting into his skin while pulling Eddie and Ali to safety. 

He probably should go get his hands checked out, but he needed to get this conversation with Ali over and done with. 

“Can I just ask why?"

Buck turned to face Ali. She was standing in front of him dusty and barefoot.

She wasn’t how he remembered her. She was blonde now. When they were together her hair had been dark brown. She seemed different now. Like she had completely reinvented herself after she had left him. 

Did he ever really know her?

He had never been expecting her to leave after giving birth to their daughter. He hadn’t been expecting her to leave him at all. He thought they were solid in their relationship. They were happy. They were excited for Charlotte to arrive. 

“I got scared. Being a Mom, I wasn’t ready for that. I had started to feel that way as we got closer to her due date." 

“Why did you never say anything? We could have worked it out together."

Ali sighed and sunk onto the pavement next to where Buck was sitting. 

“You were so excited for her to get here. I didn’t want to take your excitement away from you."

“Just because I was excited for Charlotte to get here, didn’t mean I wouldn’t have listened to you."

Ali started picking at her nails. She used to do that when she was nervous. 

“I decided to take the coward's way out. I got my friend to come and break me out of the hospital. I was out of it at the time. I don’t remember that much. All I knew is that I wanted to leave and get as far away as I could. My only regret is that I never got to see her."

“Wow. Only regret?"

Buck had definitely been hurt when he heard Ali say that. Like Buck was never all that important to her. 

"Oh-Um." 

"Wouldn’t that make it harder on you? Seeing her and then leaving?"

“I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly thinking coherently at the time. I’m still not ready to be a mother. I don't want to put her through that. Seeing me leave and never coming back. Clean slate. I’m sorry. It is time to fully let go. I’ll hand over my rights to you. You won’t see me again. Bye Evan."

Ali got up and walked away. 

Did that just happen? 

“Hey. You ok?" Eddie came and sat down next to Buck. 

“I don’t know." 


	4. Thank You For Being Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. Google is what I used for my research. If I have anything incorrect, please let me know.

* * *

When Buck arrived at the station, Eddie would usually already be in the locker room changing for the start of shift.

Eddie wasn’t there.

He didn’t seem like the type of person to just bail on work. 

Something didn’t feel right.

Bobby hadn’t informed them of any changes to the work schedule. It wasn’t very often that someone would call out. If they did usually Bobby would have organized a cover by the start of shift. 

It didn’t seem right Eddie not being around. The station didn't feel the same without him. 

Where was he?

Had something happened on the way to work?

Did something happen with Christopher?

Buck went to pull his phone out to send a message off to Eddie. He didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. Eddie may just be running late. 

_Christopher is having surgery. Will be back at work in a couple of days._

Buck’s breath caught in his throat.

Eddie had told Buck that it would be more than likely that one day Christopher would need surgeries to help with his CP. Buck knew that Christopher was struggling on a day to day basis. His legs had been giving him trouble and some discomfort that would keep him up at night.

Eddie would come to work looking like a zombie those days.

Buck knew how terrifying it was having your baby in the hospital. Charlotte had been in the NICU for two weeks after she had been born. There had been some complications as she had been born a month early. Charlotte had struggled to breathe on her own, which meant she had to be put on machines. 

Those few days Buck had never been so terrified. It had been an entirely new experience that he had been thrown into.

Buck knew he needed to be there for the man who was quickly becoming his best friend.

“Bobby, I need to go. Eddie is all alone."

Bobby sighed, he knew Buck was going to do something like this once he had found out about Christopher. He was conflicted. They needed Buck today. They were already a man down. They were going to be spread thin enough today as it was. If Buck left, it would be a lot harder on the rest of the team. Except, Bobby knew that Buck would just be distracted all shift if he didn’t let him go. It would be worse having a distracted firefighter on shift than not.

“Please?"

Hen and Chimney were watching the conversation between the pair. Buck looked desperate. Bobby looked resigned.

Buck would go even if he said no. Bobby knew that. That was just the kind of person Buck was. He was always there for his friends.

“Ok. Go, but keep us posted."

“Thank you." Buck breathed out.

He turned and ran to the locker room. All he was thinking of right now was Eddie and Christopher.

Christopher must have been so scared being taken into surgery. He was so little. Buck knew that the surgery was necessary, but it was still scary for the little boy.

He quickly stripped off his uniform. He was working on autopilot right now. He pulled his civvies back on and slipped his feet into his shoes.

Eddie needed someone right now.

_

Buck rushed into the waiting room and saw Eddie hunched over in a chair, tapping his foot impatiently on the ground.

Eddie looked jittery. Like he had too much caffeine. Buck knew that Eddie was just anxious to get news, any news about Christopher.

Buck knew how hard it was not knowing what was happening. There had been some scary moments while Charlotte had been in the NICU.

“Eddie?"

Buck walked slowly over to Eddie and sat down in the chair next to him.

Eddie looked up, startled. He looked ready to bolt at any given moment.

“Buck? What are you doing here?"

Wasn’t Buck supposed to be at work? His shift couldn’t have ended already. Had it? Had he zoned out completely that he hadn’t realized how much time had passed? Had Christopher been in surgery longer than he had thought?

If Buck’s shift had ended wouldn’t that mean Christopher should be out of surgery by now?

Had there been complications?

“I thought you needed a friend."

Buck took Eddie’s hand and squeezed it once, then dropped it.

"You don't need to be here." 

“Like I said. I thought you needed a friend."

Buck leaned back in the chair and just waited. He then felt Eddie grab his hand back. Buck smiled and gave it a squeeze in return.

_

“He has Hip Subluxation."

It had been half an hour of just sitting in silence. Eddie still had a loose grip on Buck’s hand, every so often he would tighten his grip. Eddie’s mind must be racing. There wasn’t much Buck knew about CP, but what he did know is that the surgeries Christopher was going to need were not simple. They were a little more extensive than a simple surgery.

“What does that mean?"

It sounded complicated and slightly terrifying. It also definitely sounded like a method of torture.

“It means that the femur isn’t completely in the socket. It’s not quite centred. If he doesn’t get this surgery, his femur could become dislocated. Or it could completely pop out of the socket. Which means additional pain for him. He doesn’t need that. He’s only just turned four. He shouldn’t even need to be here. It isn’t fair. I didn’t want to have to do it, but I thought it would be easier to do everything at once. He’s also getting some muscle and tendon lengthening to help relieve some of the pressure. He’s also getting a Femoral Osteotomy."

To Buck, tendon lengthening sounded terrifying. Femoral Osteotomy? What the hell was that? What were these surgeries? He was right. These were actually methods of torture disguised as surgery.

Eddie knew what Buck was going to ask next.

“Femoral Osteotomy is repositioning and reattaching the Femur."

Buck turned his attention to Eddie to show he was listening.

“I’ve been taking him to physical therapy to see if that can help, it’s just been causing him too much pain in his legs. They ended up deciding to refer Christopher for surgery. Here we are. Recovery is going to be hard on him. There is going to be a lot of tears and frustration and not just from Christopher."

Buck had never been good at this sort of thing. He never knew what to say in these types of situations.

“You don’t have to go through this alone. We both know it’s going to be hard, but we’ll get through it together."

“You don’t need to do that. We aren’t your responsibility."

“It isn’t about responsibility. It is about being a friend. You helped me with Charlotte when I thought there wasn’t anything, I could do to soothe her. I was at breaking point. You didn’t even know me."

“You don’t need to keep bringing that up." Eddie grumbled. Buck smiled; he felt a little victorious that he had gotten Eddie to somewhat admit defeat. 

“How long have you been waiting here anyway?"

“Chris went into surgery at 8 am. We’ve been here since before 7 am."

It was now nearing lunchtime.

“Do you want to go get a coffee and something to eat?"

Eddie looked conflicted. He really should get up and stretch his legs, but he also wanted to be here just in case a doctor came out looking for him.

“Don’t strain yourself, Eddie. I can grab you something. I’ll be back in a few minutes."

Buck gently tugged his hand out of Eddie’s and started walking down the hall to find out where the cafeteria was.

Buck could feel Eddie’s eyes on him as he walked down the hallway.

He should probably also check in with Bobby. He did promise he would keep him updated. He did leave the team with an additional man down. He was going to have to make up for that. He’d take an additional shift on top of the ones he was already scheduled for.

Buck pulled out his phone and sent a quick message to Bobby while he wandered down the hallway towards the cafeteria.

_Still no news. Trying to get some lunch into Eddie. Wasn’t able to drag him away from the waiting room. Sorry for leaving you in the lurch._

Buck decided to use the stairs instead of using the elevator. He could get down the stairs quicker than the elevator anyway.

He found his way to the cafeteria. They didn’t have too many options. He just grabbed both him and Eddie a sandwich and coffee. He wanted to get back to Eddie to make sure he wasn’t freaking out too much.

_

Buck walked back into the waiting room. Eddie was still sitting and waiting.

Buck handed Eddie the sandwich and coffee.

“They didn’t have much of a selection. I hope this is ok. And Eddie. Try to eat. Starving yourself isn’t going to do you any good. You need to be alert for when Christopher comes out of surgery."

“Thanks."

Eddie bumped their shoulders together. They ate in silence.

The coffee didn’t taste the best. It was a little more bitter than he liked. He would have gone to a coffee shop, but he didn’t want to leave Eddie for too long.

_

“Mr. Diaz. Christopher is out of surgery. He’s been in recovery and has been moved to a room. If you’ll follow me."

Weren’t they supposed to give an update after Christopher came out of surgery? Not just when he was being moved to a room? 

Eddie and Buck followed the doctor swiftly down the halls to recovery. Eddie reached for Buck’s hand and held onto it tightly.

_

Eddie walked slowly over to the bed that seemed to be swallowing Christopher. The bed was too large for his little body. He had a light sheet covering his legs. Both his legs were wrapped tightly in bandages.

“He’ll be needing splints before he leaves the hospital. We’ll get him a wheelchair to use for the duration of his recovery.”

Eddie was barely listening. He was stroking Christopher’s hair back away from his forehead. He brushed a gentle kiss to Christopher’s hairline.

Christopher’s eyes fluttered open slowly.

“Daddy?"

Christopher tried to move, but whimpered when pain shot through his legs.

“Shhh. I’m here. So is your Bucky."

Christopher turned his head and saw Buck standing a little bit behind his Dad. His tired eyes lit up when he saw Buck.

“Bucky."

Buck moved to the head of the bed. He ran his fingers gently through Christopher’s hair. Buck spoke softly to Christopher like he didn’t want to disrupt the stillness of the room.

“I’ll have to bring by some Winnie the Pooh books and I can read to you; we didn’t get to finish reading last time. Maybe this time your Daddy won’t interrupt us. I’d like to know how the story ends."

Eddie realized he forgotten to pack a bag of things for Christopher to do while he was in the hospital. His mind had been elsewhere this morning. He hadn’t thought about it. He had been about to do it a couple of days ago, but he had gotten distracted.

Buck realized that Eddie hadn't actually brought anything along with him for himself and Christopher. 

Buck offered to head over to his house and do it for him so he wouldn’t have to leave Christopher.

Eddie had brought Buck into a tight hug before releasing him to go back to Christopher’s side.

Buck had been hesitant to leave Eddie and Christopher, but he knew this was one thing he could do for Eddie.

He left the hospital for a couple of hours. First, he needed to stop in and pick up a few things for Eddie and Christopher. He stood for a few minutes in Eddie’s bedroom. He was hesitant about going through Eddie’s things. He didn’t want to invade Eddie’s privacy. He had Eddie’s permission, but it still didn’t feel right.

Buck quickly grabbed a few changes of clothes for Eddie plus his toiletries. Eddie had asked for his phone charger and the book he was reading. Buck moved onto Christopher’s room and found everything he needed.

Once he had piled everything into the car, he headed off to pick Charlotte up from Carla. Charlotte was excited to go see Eddie and Christopher. Buck had to gently explain to Charlotte that Christopher was in the hospital as he just had surgery. He wasn’t going to be able to play like he usually would.

Charlotte had seen Eddie when she and Buck walked into the room. Charlotte leaned forward in Buck’s arms and wanted to go to Eddie.

She was now dozing against Eddie’s chest while they sat watching Christopher sleep. He had gotten a bit restless earlier. They needed to calm him down before he ended up hurting himself.

“Thank you for being here."


	5. Am I Worried For Nothing?

Eddie had been struggling. 

It wasn't hard to notice. 

Eddie had taken a week off work to be with Christopher. Buck could tell that he needed longer off; Eddie would never admit he needed more time off, not that he could afford taking too much time off. It had been hard enough taking that first week off. He had to rearrange a few things in his budget to be able to afford it. He knew he needed help but he didn't know how to ask for it. 

It had been hard enough for him to ask Buck to lend an extra pair of hands.

Eddie hadn’t even wanted to do that.

Surgery had taken a lot out of Christopher. He was a lot more emotional in the weeks following his surgery. He was feeling things a lot more and didn't know how to express them. Christopher was struggling. He was frustrated and confused. Eddie was also trying to find his way while also helping Christopher. 

Chris was still coming to terms that he had more limitations during his recovery period than usual.

There had been a few breakdowns.

Buck helped out where he could. He kept offering to lend a hand where he could before Eddie could ask for help. It had taken a lot of patience and from everyone; Buck had also asked Carla if she could go around a few times to help Eddie out. She was a godsend as usual.

_

Christopher had a bit more mobility now than he did a few weeks ago. He did still have many restrictions as he wasn’t fully healed. He did get restless. He wanted to be able to move around and play like he normally would.

He would seem to forget that he was a bit more limited with the splints and bandages being in the way of his mobility. Eddie had been worried about Christopher's pain levels during the recovery period. Sometimes Christopher would move a certain way and pull at the stitches, which never ended well. Seeing Christopher in pain was breaking Eddie’s heart. He couldn’t handle it.

It was a struggle every day.

Christopher was getting the stitches out in the next couple of days, but he was being fitted for braces for the next month or two after that depending on how his legs were healing.

It was hard seeing Christopher struggling. 

He'd get through it. 

_

Eddie had set Christopher down at the dining room table which had been covered in newspaper. Buck was looking for the finger paints for Charlotte and Christopher. He had already dug out the roll of paper for them to paint on. Eddie had cut off a long piece to lay out across the table. 

Charlotte was sitting in the living room while she waited. She had been trying to stack her wooden blocks. What she was making, was looking a little uncoordinated. She was focussed on trying not to knock them over.

Buck could see Charlotte was getting frustrated when she was unable to properly stack the blocks, they would end up toppling without anyone touching them.

Buck carried the paints over to the table and set them down before heading back over to Charlotte. 

“Lottie. How about we do some painting now?"

Buck helped Charlotte pack away the blocks.

He knew she would have gotten too frustrated with the blocks before too long. He had learnt over the last year that she would get bored more easily than some other children he had been around. Which meant he usually had to find new things for them to do together.

It was a struggle sometimes.

Buck walked with Charlotte over to the table where Eddie and Christopher were sitting and waiting for them to start. Buck sat Charlotte across from Eddie.

This was going to get messy.

_

The entire sheet of paper was covered in smears of paint.

Buck needed to give Charlotte a bath. She had managed to get green and blue paint smeared through her hair, all over her shirt, on her forehead and cheeks.

Buck was no better. He had a smudge of blue paint on his cheek after he had accidentally brushed something off his cheek. At least Buck had managed to keep the paint out of his hair.

Christopher was laughing at Eddie, who had somehow managed to get paint in his hair, on his cheeks, all up his arms. There was even some on his shirt.

Eddie had smeared some paint down the side of Christopher’s face, so he matched the rest of them.

They all needed a hose down.

_

Buck scrubbed his hands before getting Charlotte into the tub. He gave Charlotte a quick bath while Eddie cleaned Christopher up since Christopher couldn’t get his stitches wet yet.

After redressing Charlotte into some clean clothes, Buck finished cleaning himself up. He would need to have a shower later to get the last of the paint out of his hair.

Buck and Eddie were sitting on the couch watching Charlotte and Christopher sitting at the small table in the living room make different shapes with PlayDoh that was in containers in front of them. There were mugs of coffee sitting on coasters on the coffee table in front of them.

Buck was watching her with an apprehensive expression. It was like Eddie could see the wheels turning in Buck’s head.

“Think too hard, and you’ll probably strain something." Eddie grinned, nudging Buck.

“Ha. Ha." Buck’s breath came out a little shaky.

Eddie’s smile dropped off his face. “Buck? What’s going on?"

“I’ve started to notice things. Actually, no. I have been noticing them for a long time. More than a year at least. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s probably nothing, but also it could be something. Do you think I’m worried about nothing?"

“What are you trying to say?"

“For a long time, Charlotte didn’t seem interested in wanting to learn to walk and that’s ok, everyone is different. Everyone does things in their own time. She only started walking about maybe five months ago or maybe it was six months. She mostly just crawled when she wanted to move around, I tried to help her learn to walk, but she would get distracted by something else or there were times she seemed scared at wanting to try. I was hesitant to brush it off. So, I brought it up to her doctor. We’ve even had check-ups to go over her development, I’ve always been told she’s just taking things at her own pace. Her doctor said they’d keep track of her development, but for now it wasn’t a huge concern. I remember thinking that she’d walk when she was ready. I had to let her take her time. I wasn’t going to push, but I kept thinking something had to be up if she was scared to walk."

“Everyone is different. Not everyone does things at the same time."

Buck sighed and rubbed his palms into his eyes.

“Do you think I’m worried about nothing?"

“I don’t think it’s nothing. Your instincts are telling you something is going on, trust that."

Charlotte had walked away from the table. She started to wander off somewhere. Buck noticed and started to pull himself off the couch.

Charlotte tripped over her own feet. She was still learning to walk essentially. Coordination wasn’t at the top of her list to focus on if she just wanted to get somewhere. It was easy enough for her to trip over her own two feet. She tried to catch herself but ended up falling forward onto the hardwood floor of the living room.

Buck moved quickly over to Charlotte and lifted her into his arms.

Her lip was trembling. She wasn’t crying yet, but she was about to.

Buck pressed gentle kisses to her forehead.

“Sweet girl, what did you do to yourself?"

Buck placed Charlotte onto the couch next to Eddie and gave Charlotte a once over.

She more startled herself than injured herself.

“Did you have a fight with the floor Charlotte? Who won?"

“Me?"

“Yeah, you did. That’s my girl. How about I read you and Christopher a story now since you seem to be done with the PlayDoh?"

_

Buck sat with Charlotte tucked up against his side as he read to her and Christopher.

Christopher was in Eddie’s arms falling asleep while he listened.

As he was expecting, Charlotte and Christopher fell asleep. Charlotte could never stay awake for a full read through. Just once could he finish a story the whole way through.

Buck went and put Charlotte down for a nap in her bedroom. He gently pulled her blanket over her and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and left the door slightly ajar.

Eddie had to carefully manoeuvre Christopher to the travel crib Buck had pulled out for Christopher. Buck had offered his bedroom before offering the travel cot, but it just happened that his bedroom was upstairs. Eddie didn’t want Christopher to try to make his way down by himself. He would probably try to do it himself before realizing that he still had the splints on.

_

“Did you want to finish explaining what you meant?" 

“This has been happening more often than not. I have no idea how to explain it without jumbling up my own thoughts."

Buck didn’t know how to express his concerns. What if it was something that just happened? But it did happen more often than it should.

“What do you mean?"

Eddie did have his own concerns about Charlotte but didn’t know if it was his place to say anything. It was just little things he had noticed the few times he had seen her.

“It’s mostly her spatial awareness, at first I thought it was her sight. I took her to an optometrist, but her vision is fine. Like I said, we’ve even been to doctor’s appointments about this. Then it is her trying to feed herself. I don’t know anymore. Am I just pointing out things that aren’t there? Is it something that happens with kids? I have no idea."

Buck was stressing himself out. He had started to ramble a little.

“It isn’t just you who has noticed things."

“What do I do now?"


	6. How Did I Get Here?

* * *

Buck had been watching Charlotte a lot closer now. He had been a lot more of aware of Charlotte’s struggles. He had even asked Carla if she could keep an extra eye on her. He knew it was probably nothing, but he was still concerned. 

He hadn’t brought it up to Eddie again. It wasn’t like he was avoiding it. He was just worried. He was worried that it could be something serious. He didn’t want his baby to be sick. There was a lot he didn’t know. He didn’t want to Google it, that would just end up scaring him more.

Eddie had been a great support to Buck after he had expressed his concerns. Right now, they were more of a silent support system to each other.

Eddie would give Buck soft looks during their shifts at the station, Buck couldn’t quite comprehend what exactly they meant. It made Buck’s heart skip the occasion beat. He would also flush a light pink and look away.

Buck would just try to brush it off as the station being warm.

He couldn’t explain what his heart skipping a beat meant.

_

Right now, Buck was sitting holding Charlotte while she got stitches in her forehead.

Eddie had just barged into the hospital room; he was looking frantic as his gaze scanned the small room looking for Buck and Charlotte.

He should probably back up a little and explain how they got here.

_

Buck was in the kitchen making Charlotte lunch since it was his day off and he could finally spend the entire day with her. Charlotte was sitting on the floor of the kitchen just off to the side playing with her stuffed rabbit, she was talking softly to herself.

Buck smiled and he had only taken his eye off her for a second when he heard a thump and then a blood-curdling cry.

He hadn’t heard Charlotte make that sound before.

It had sent shivers down his spine and he had gone pale.

Buck turned quickly towards her.

Charlotte was sitting on the kitchen floor with tears rolling down her cheeks. She had a gash on her forehead, which was starting to leak blood and it was going to start mixing with the tears on her face if he didn’t put pressure on it. 

It seemed like every rational thought just left his head. It seemed he had forgotten all his training about how to stay calm in a situation like this. It was different when it was your own child.

He had frozen for a split second. If anything, it was like time had stood still. Charlotte was watching him with a tear and blood-streaked face.

He didn’t know what to do.

_

He didn’t know how they had gotten to the emergency room.

Buck was staring blankly at the white wall in front of him.

Did he call 911? Or did he drive Charlotte himself?

He doesn’t actually remember.

He was holding Charlotte tightly in his arms. She had let out a cry when they had injected her head with aesthetics. He was nearly in tears himself, he hated seeing his baby in pain.

Buck had to look away when they started stitching up her forehead.

Buck looked up when he heard the door to the consulting room fling open. 

Eddie had barged in looking frantic.

When did he call Eddie?

Was he just running on autopilot?

“Sir. You can’t be in here."

“It’s ok Dr. Mason. This is my friend Eddie."

Charlotte heard Eddie’s name and turned to him.

“Ed!" She cried out. She held out a little hand to him.

Eddie walked over to Charlotte quickly and fell to his knees.

“Charlie! What happened _Mi Niña_?" Eddie ran his fingers gently down the side of Charlotte’s face. The uninjured side, of course.

“Sir. If you’ll allow me to continue."

“Right, sorry." Eddie muttered. He walked over to the chair closest to where Buck and Charlotte were and sat down and watched them anxiously.

Charlotte tried to sit still while Dr. Mason put the final two stitches in her forehead, Charlotte kept looking over at Eddie. She wanted to go over to him, but the doctor needed to finish patching her up. Four stitches later Charlotte was able to move. Buck went to hand Charlotte over to Eddie who was already holding out his arms.

Buck’s shirt was a lost cause. It was covered in smears of Charlotte’s blood; she had touched her forehead only to then grip onto his shirt leaving bloodstains behind. It made him feel sick just looking at it.

Charlotte was resting her head against Eddie’s shoulder. She needed a change of clothes. Her own shirt was covered in droplets of her blood.

Dr. Mason had wiped off most of the blood of Charlotte’s face, but there were still a few smudges left on her neck. Buck just wanted to take Charlotte home to change her into some clean clothes.

Eddie was holding Charlotte close to his chest. He was murmuring to her; he wasn’t rocking her. He didn’t know if it would make her dizzy or not, so he was just talking to her softly.

They were now just waiting for the discharge papers to come through.

_

Buck was digging through Charlotte’s drawers looking for a clean outfit for her. He pulled out a pair of white leggings and a pale blue singlet with a little daisy embroidered onto the left-hand corner.

Eddie had finished cleaning Charlotte’s face; he was wiping down her face and neck with a soft face cloth. She was looking up at Eddie with her wide blue eyes, she wasn’t saying anything she was just watching him with a curious expression.

“All clean _Mi Niña._ Shall we see what outfit your Daddy has picked out?"

Buck slipped Charlotte into the leggings and then helped her slide her arms into the singlet.

“There’s my beautiful girl. Do we want to watch a movie with Eddie?"

“Dory?"

Charlotte fluttered her eyelashes at her Dad. She knew they had watched it over and over again, but she wanted to watch it again.

“Come on then."

“Buck. Maybe you want to change your shirt first?"

Eddie looked pointedly at Buck’s slightly bloody shirt.

“Oh, right. Um. I’ll change my shirt while you two set up the movie. Hang on, you never said where Christopher was."

“He’s at my Abuela’s. I’m picking him up soon."

“How about you go pick up Christopher and bring him back here. We promise we’ll wait for you two to watch the movie. Isn’t that right Charlotte."

Eddie looked resigned.

“Are you sure? I’m sure you’ll get sick of us eventually."

Buck scooped Charlotte up into his arms.

“Yeah, right. Go. We’ll see you soon."

“Bye Ed!" Charlotte waved.

Buck turned to walk into his own bedroom.

“Right, are you going to help Daddy pick out a shirt?"

Eddie shook his head and made his way out to his truck. Those Buckley’s were going to be the end of him.

_

“Sweet girl. Which shirt should Daddy wear? What colour?"

Buck was standing shirtless in front of his drawers. He turned to face Charlotte. She was sitting on his bed watching him with a look that just screamed ‘can we get on with this please?’

“Lottie. A little help here please?"

What was Buck doing? Why was he putting this much thought into a shirt? He wasn’t trying to impress anyone.

Buck grabbed out two random shirts and held them out to Charlotte.

“Which one?"

“Blue."

Buck pulled the blue shirt over his head and lifted Charlotte into his arms.

“Let’s go watch Dory."

“Daddy. Wait for Ed and Chris."


	7. Taking Christopher To PT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not a physical therapist. I have only been to a couple for my back (undisplaced fracture L1) and my right wrist (Tendonititis but they thought it was an undisplaced fracture. I had to see 2 Physical Therapists and a specialist for them to tell me it was Tendonitis). If anything is incorrect please let me know and I'll change it. 
> 
> Thank you all for your support on this story.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re ok with taking him?"

Eddie had been called into work to cover a shift. He couldn't get out of it, he had tried to. He was meant to be taking Christopher to Physical Therapy in a couple of hours but had been called in last minute. Bobby needed him specifically.

Christopher was finally out of the bandages and splits. He needed to now work on strengthening his muscles. Christopher really wanted to be able to walk on his own.

Eddie had called Buck in a slight panic; he knew that Buck had the day off today. He hated having to ask, but he was getting desperate. Christopher couldn’t miss this appointment.

“Eddie. Really? It’s just taking Chris to PT. I’ll just take him and sit and wait. Doesn't seem that complicated."

Buck knew Eddie hated asking for help. Eddie would always try make things work on his own, Buck hated seeing Eddie struggle. Usually, Buck would offer to do things before Eddie had to ask. This time around, Eddie was the one to ask for help. He knew he needed the help.

It was always hard accepting help.

For Eddie, it was harder to ask for it.

“Just a heads up. You may end up participating."

Buck shook his head and walked to find Charlotte to finish getting her ready for the day.

“You know what. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. It’s just PT. I’ll just drop Charlotte off with Carla. Charlotte would hate sitting through a PT appointment. The best solution is that she hangs out with Carla for a couple of hours."

“I hate asking..."

“Eddie, will you relax. It’s fine. I love Chris. You know I do. I’ll pick Christopher up after I drop Charlotte off."

“If you’re sure..."

“Eddie. I’m going to hang up on you."

Eddie let out a huff of laughter.

“Ok, we’ll see you soon."

_

Buck had just dropped Charlotte off with Carla. Charlotte hadn’t been too happy to have her day with her Dad cut short.

Buck had promised he was coming back. They’d still have their day together. He was going to be bringing Christopher back with him and Charlotte had hesitantly relented. Even though she was pouting about it. She was excited about Christopher coming over. They were becoming friends. It was inevitable that it would happen. They spent a lot of time together as Eddie and Buck did.

Buck did have to promise to take her and Christopher out for ice cream. Eventually, she did let him leave. Carla had been standing watching Buck try and negotiate with Charlotte.

Eddie hadn’t told Buck what a PT session with Christopher entailed. Buck didn’t have a whole lot of time to research. Did he have to participate during the session? Eddie said he may have to, but who knows. Eddie could just be pulling his leg.

Or was he just meant to sit and watch? He was pretty clueless.

Christopher was still healing. Just because he had graduated to braces didn’t mean he had finished healing.

Buck wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing Christopher in pain.

It wasn’t a nice feeling and Buck was about to lead him off to be stretched, poked and prodded.

Christopher definitely deserved ice cream after what his physical therapist was going to put him through.

_

Buck was holding onto Christopher while Eddie went to go find Christopher’s backpack with everything he needed for the afternoon.

“Eddie? How did you misplace a backpack?"

Christopher was laughing at Buck’s frustrated expression.

“Eddie, you’re going to be late for work. Christopher and I are going to be late for his appointment if you don’t hustle along."

“Is your Daddy being slow?"

“Daddy. Hurry."

“Exactly Chris. Tell your Daddy he needs to move it."

He could hear Eddie’s frustrated grumbling as he moved quickly through the house looking for Christopher’s backpack.

“I found it."

“It’s about time."

Buck went to strap Christopher into the car seat he had gotten out of Eddie’s truck and put into his own car. Eddie handed off the backpack to Buck. He pressed a kiss to Christopher’s forehead before heading off to his truck and set off to work.

“Ready to go Superman?"

“No!"

Christopher was pouting. Buck still didn’t know exactly what Christopher’s PT consisted of. He knew that there was a lot to work on before Christopher was up and moving around on his own. It was going to take more than a couple of sessions.

_

“Christopher Diaz. Oh, I see we have someone new joining us today."

“Eddie couldn’t make it. He got called into work. I’m taking over. Evan Buckley. I work with Eddie."

Buck lifted Christopher into his arms and followed Christopher’s physical therapist into the small office. There was a thin tumbling mat on the floor ready to be used for today’s session.

“Today we are just going to be working on some leg stretches and how to care for Christopher’s leg muscles throughout this process. We want him to be moving around on his own. I won’t lie. It is going to take time and patience. We are hoping we’ll get him moving around on crutches on his own within the next six to eight months. That’s the goal. Don’t be discouraged if it takes longer. We’ll definitely get Christopher to the walking on his own stage. Christopher will be having weekly sessions with me to work on strengthening his muscles.”

Eddie had told Buck that it was going to take a long time to strengthen the muscles enough to hold Christopher’s weight, they’d just have to keep working at it. They knew Christopher was an independent child and wanted to be able to do things himself. He had just a few more limitations than he normally would since he had his surgeries.

Buck placed Christopher onto the mat. Buck sat in the corner of the room and watched Christopher’s Physiotherapist sit in front of him and individually stretch out each of his legs carefully.

Dr. Reyneke was testing to see the range of motion Christopher had in his legs to see what stretches he was able to handle. She had Christopher lying on his back and she had his legs folded as much as Christopher could handle and pushed them towards his chest for a few moments.

Buck could see the discomfort on Christopher’s face as Dr. Reyneke stretched out his muscles.

"You’re doing great Buddy." 

Dr. Reyneke was careful of the still-raw scars on Christopher’s legs. He had healed enough to start PT. Yet, he still had a lot of healing to do. Eddie had to be careful what clothes he put Christopher in, some fabrics rubbed the scars and caused Christopher a lot of unnecessary discomfort.

Buck sat watching the entire process curiously. He wanted to be able to help Eddie out with Christopher’s exercises and the healing process. He knew there would be times he may have to take over from Eddie to go through the necessary exercises.

“Christopher is healing well. We are going to get you up standing to start with. I know we wanted to try walking today. I am just a little concerned about the rawness of the scars. We’ll see how the standing goes first. We may be able to try one or two steps."

Christopher looked determined. He nodded.

Christopher was an independent child. During his healing after his surgeries, he kept trying to do things by himself. He wanted to be able to stand and move around on his own.

“Mr. Buckley. Could you come and stand behind Christopher. We are going to get Christopher to stand."

Buck jumped up out of his seat and went to stand behind Christopher.

Dr. Reyneke held her hands out to Christopher to help him stand up.

Buck inched forward a little closer. Christopher was unsteady on his feet. It was understandable he didn’t have much muscle tone in his legs normally, but after the surgeries, he hadn’t been able to do any exercises to help strengthen his muscles.

“You ready?"

Dr. Reyneke stepped back a couple of small steps, holding onto Christopher’s hands firmly. They stood there for a minute. Christopher shifted a few times testing to see if his legs could handle the pressure.

Christopher shuffled forward a step, Buck could read the discomfort on his face. Christopher was determined to take the steps he needed to.

Buck got excited. Christopher was doing it.

“That’s it, Superman. You can do it."

Buck followed Christopher’s movements. They managed to get Christopher to walk six steps before his legs started to shake with the effort to keep going.

“You did brilliantly Christopher."

Dr. Reyneke sat down on the floor with Christopher. She stretched Christopher’s legs again. Dr. Reyneke had to get up and get a few tubs of creams to massage into Christopher’s legs.

Dr. Reyneke massaged each cream into Christopher’s legs while explaining what exercises Christopher would need to do between each session.

“Each day Christopher needs to stand with the frame for a couple of minutes, then he can try to take a few steps like we did today. You still need to give your muscles time to recover. You don’t want to strain them too much. I’ll give you a print out to give to Mr. Diaz. It shows all the exercises he needs to do. Then we’ll set up another appointment."

_

Buck carried Christopher out of the office.

Eddie had given Buck a list of days and times that would work best for setting up another appointment.

The receptionist read off what times they had available for next week.

Buck reread the notes that Eddie had given with the times that worked best with his schedule. Buck found a time that seemed to work best and booked Christopher’s next appointment.

Buck then fired off a message to Eddie to let him know when it was.

Buck carried Christopher out to his car and buckled him into the booster seat. He then had to text Carla to let her know that they were on their way to come and get Charlotte.

“Do you think your Daddy will be mad at me if we went and got ice cream?"


	8. DCD Diagnosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not an expert on DCD. My research comes from watching videos and doing my own research on it. As always, if anything is wrong, I am happy to change it.

* * *

Buck was sitting in the paediatrics waiting room with Charlotte. It felt like they were waiting here more often than not. He had been called in by Charlotte’s doctor.

He hadn’t been expecting the phone call.

It had come out of nowhere. He wasn’t expecting to hear from them. Was he?

Buck tried to think back to when he was last here. That was when Charlotte cut her forehead open. They hadn’t had any other concerns since. So, why were they here?

They hadn’t said what it was about. Which had made it worse. He was nervous, anxious, terrified. He was feeling a little sick if he was being completely honest.

What if Charlotte was sick and he hadn’t realized?

Buck was tempted to call Eddie to bring him down here for moral support. He was fighting against himself. He knew Eddie was spending the day with Christopher. Eddie finally had a full day off that he could spend with Christopher. He barely had enough time where he could spend his time with just him and Christopher due to their hectic schedule.

Buck didn’t want to disrupt their time together, but he also wanted the support. He didn’t know who else he could turn to. He could only think that he wanted Eddie with him.

“Charlotte Buckley."

Why were they even here? It didn’t make any sense. Did they find something while they were stitching up Charlotte’s head last time? He kept asking himself the same questions. To be honest, he was freaking out.

Buck was holding Charlotte tightly in his arms. Buck followed Dr. Mason into her office. Charlotte was agitated. She could feel Buck's stress, which was making her more upset. 

“Daddy?"

“It’s ok my sweet girl. Everything is going to be fine." Was Buck telling Charlotte that or himself?

Buck sat down in one of the seats next to Dr. Mason’s desk. Buck cradled Charlotte tightly to his chest.

“Mr. Buckley, you don’t need to look so worried."

Even when Dr. Mason had said that Buck still couldn’t relax.

“You’ve brought up some concerns to me in the past."

Buck froze.

He was right. He knew there wasn’t something completely right.

“What about it?"

“After Charlotte was brought in. I was concerned. Your explanation about how she split her head open wasn’t completely adding up. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. I started to look back at her medical records and my notes I had taken over the last year. As you know we’ve been keeping track of Charlotte’s development at her regular checkups. Like you did, I picked up a pattern. I have consulted my colleagues. Usually, we don’t like to put a diagnosis on the patient this early on."

Buck was freaking out. Dr. Mason wasn’t making sense. She wasn’t outright telling him what was going on.

Hang on. Did she think he was abusing Charlotte?

“I’m not abusing her if that’s what you’re saying. I could never do something like that."

Buck was getting worked up. It made him feel sick to think about ever hurting Charlotte like that.

“No. No. That’s not what I’m saying at all."

Dr. Mason rushed to stop Buck’s train of thought.

“From what my notes have been telling me. She more than likely had a disorder called Dyspraxia or DCD."

Buck had never heard those terms before. What did that mean? Buck held onto Charlotte tighter. He pressed his lips to the top of her head.

“What does that mean?"

“DCD or as it is known as Developmental Coordination Disorder. The fancier name is Dyspraxia. There are different forms of Dyspraxia or Apraxia. There are different severities. Charlotte seems to have a mild form. Dyspraxia is more common in males, but of course, females can have it. Charlotte’s fine motor skills and her coordination seem to be the main issues we need to focus on."

Buck was lost. This wasn’t really making any sense to him.

“Mr. Buckley?"

“Hmm... Yeah?"

“Do you understand what I am saying?"

How did he even answer that? He was just sort of frozen at this moment. He couldn’t comprehend what he was being told.

Buck opened his mouth to ask a question, but nothing came out. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to ask.

“Charlotte will need to see an Occupational Therapist. We can help you find one that is suitable to Charlotte’s needs. She may also need to see a physical therapist occasionally. That’s more for movement and how to navigate obstacles."

He was still sort of lost. He had so many more questions that he didn’t know how to ask them or even where to start. What questions did he need to ask? What did he need to do?

“The occupational therapist will be able to tell you a lot more about DCD than I can. You can do your own research before Charlotte’s first appointment that way you can go in with some questions to ask. I did catch you off guard with this."

“Just a bit."

_

Buck left the Paediatrics office in a sort of daze. He was still clinging tightly to Charlotte. She was unaware of what had been going around her. She spent the appointment playing with her stuffed bunny and murmuring to herself.

He didn’t know what to do.

Dr. Mason had sat down with him and found a few different Occupational Therapists that he could choose from.

He had decided to try Dr. Williams. She specialized in coordination disorders. Dr. Williams could fit Charlotte into her schedule on Wednesday next week for Charlotte’s first session.

Buck needed to sit down and research DCD before that appointment, he needed to be a bit more informed on what DCD entailed than what Dr. Mason had already tried to tell him. He didn’t know quite where to begin. He knew he was going to be overwhelmed with information no matter where he started.

If Buck was honest with himself, he was scared. It was all completely new to him. He was being thrown into the unknown. This was not what he had been expecting.

He needed Eddie.

He needed someone who would help him.

Or did he need Carla more?

Carla could help guide him in the right direction, but is that what he wanted right now?

If he was really honest with himself, he wanted Eddie. He needed to see Eddie. He didn’t want to interrupt Eddie’s day off with Christopher, but Buck needed them right now. He needed to see his boys.

Buck had settled Charlotte in the lounge in front of her little play kitchen that she seemed to be obsessed with.

Buck sat staring at Eddie’s contact information. He kept urging himself to call. He was hesitating and he didn’t know why. What was so scary about calling Eddie when he wanted help?

Buck looked up and saw Charlotte putting things into the small oven, she was talking softly to herself. She looked up and saw her Dad watching her. She sent him a bright grin. Buck sent back a small smile. Charlotte’s smile was always contagious.

Buck steeled himself and pressed on Eddie’s contact information.

“ _Buck? Is everything ok?"_

“Can you come over?"

“ _What happened?!"_

Eddie sounded a little worried. It wasn’t like Buck to call him out of the blue without texting him first. Buck hadn’t told anyone that he had been called into the Paediatrics office. He thought he could do this by himself.

He had been wrong.

“ _Buck? Are you there?"_

“Yeah, I’m here."

Buck cleared his throat. He couldn’t take his eyes off Charlotte. He had never thought he was right about his concerns. He had kept telling himself it was nothing. He had never really thought to look further.

How did he even explain this to Eddie?

“ _Is Charlotte ok?"_

“She’s-"

Buck’s voice cracked.

_“We’re on my way."_

Eddie hung up the phone.

Buck walked over to Charlotte and scooped her into his arms. He needed to hold onto her.

“I love you, my Sweet girl."

“Love you, Daddy."

Buck clung to her tighter. Charlotte rested her head against his shoulder.

“Daddy sad?"

“Not sad baby. Confused."

Charlotte looked up at him with her big blue eyes anxiously.

“We’ll be ok."

Buck whispered. He leaned up against the arm of the couch while he waited for Eddie to burst into the house in what he knew would be panic. Charlotte was sat on his stomach facing him. She was just watching him and not saying anything. She looked as if she was trying to read him.

How would he even go about telling Charlotte about her DCD? She was only three nearing four. She wasn’t going to completely understand what it meant.

He was going to have to come to terms with it himself before he even thought about trying to explain it to her. He also needed to get more information. He needed to do that before anything else. He knew he needed to tell Charlotte something before her OT appointment next week. It wasn’t going to be easy.

The front door swung open and Eddie sort of rushed into the house calling out for Buck and Charlotte while looking around frantically.

“In here Eddie."

Eddie looking uncertain about entering the lounge with Christopher in his arms. He looked concerned. What was going on? Buck looked relaxed lying on the couch with Charlotte sitting on his chest. Buck had sounded panicked on the phone. What happened between now and then?

“What happened?!"

“Uhhh..."

Buck didn’t really want to say anything in front of Charlotte. He didn’t know how much she was going to understand, he barely understood it himself. He knew if he started explaining to Eddie what he had found out, he was going to break down. He could feel it coming on.

Buck could feel an overwhelming burst of emotions. He was struggling to keep everything in.

He felt a lone tear roll down his cheek. Then another followed. A sob started to build in his chest. He knew the diagnosis wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but he was still scared of the unknown.

Everything just seemed to crash over him. It was overwhelming.

Charlotte looked startled. She cupped her Dad’s face in her hands.

“Daddy? You said no, sad."

“I know baby, I’m sorry."

Buck tried to calm himself down, but his mind wouldn’t shut up. How was he supposed to do this by himself? He didn’t know if he could handle it. He loves Charlotte but he is absolutely terrified. He was lost right now. He needed help. He didn’t know where to go from here.

How was he supposed to help Charlotte?

Being a single parent was hard enough. This being sprung on him was just overwhelming.

“Buck? What’s going on?"

“Charlotte has DCD."

Charlotte perked up when she heard her name.

“What does that mean? I haven’t heard that before, not really. Maybe in passing, but I never really understood what it meant."

“Yeah, I hadn’t until today. Developmental Coordination Disorder."

Eddie now understood. He could see Buck looked terrified. He knew how Buck felt. After he and Shannon had been given Christopher’s CP diagnosis, he had been scared and lost.

Eddie knew that Buck would never abandon Charlotte. Right now, he was just coming to terms with everything. He just needs to find his way.

“You were there for us when we needed you. We’ll be here for you every step of the way. Whatever you need."


	9. Coming To Terms

It had been an emotional day.

He hadn’t expected today to go the way it did. He hadn’t been expecting the Dyspraxia diagnosis, it made a lot of sense. It explained Charlotte’s struggles. It was still a shock no matter how much sense it made.

He hadn’t known how long he spent crying. He had a headache building behind his eyes. 

He was just completely drained.

Tomorrow was a new day.

Buck was grateful for Eddie’s support. It had been unwavering the entire length of the friendship or whatever this was. It seemed like it was more than friendship most days.

They had gotten closer since they met. Buck knew that his feelings for Eddie had changed. He didn’t know when it had happened. He didn’t know what it was exactly. He just knew it was different from what he used to feel about Ali.

Buck didn’t know if he’d ever say anything to him.

Would it even be worth the risk?

_

Buck was curled up on the couch with Charlotte wrapped in his arms. She had finally crashed out after she had calmed down.

Buck had never seen Charlotte this stressed before. She seemed to want to protect her Dad from whatever was hurting him once she had seen him break down crying. She had tried to calm him down, but she had started panicking when Buck wouldn’t stop crying.

He didn’t know where all the tears had come from. Charlotte didn’t quite understand what had made her Dad cry like that.

He barely understood it himself.

He wasn’t going to be alone in this. He knew that. They were all just going to have to adapt.

Yet he still felt lost.

Eddie was maybe the one person who could understand the most. He had been a single father to a child with special needs for over a year now. Eddie was still struggling and adapting, but he knew what Buck was feeling.

Buck was watching Eddie with Christopher. Christopher was falling asleep in Eddie’s arms. Eddie was murmuring and running his fingers through Christopher’s hair.

“Is he asleep?"

“Not yet. He’s fighting it."

Eddie brushed a kiss to the top of Christopher’s head.

Buck could see Christopher's eyelashes fluttering, fighting to stay open.

“You can put him to sleep in my bed."

_

Eddie carried Christopher into Buck’s bedroom, he pulled back the covers and gently lay Christopher down. Eddie murmured to Christopher before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Eddie set up the spare baby monitors before leaving the bedroom.

Buck was rocking Charlotte in his arms as he walked down the hallway to Charlotte’s room. Eddie was following close behind him.

Buck put Charlotte down for her nap, Buck stood in the doorway and watched Eddie interact with Charlotte. Eddie had pressed a kiss to her forehead and smoothed down her curls.

Buck could accept his feelings for Eddie had changed. He knew he was falling in love with Eddie and there was nothing he could do to stop it, not that he wanted to.

He had realized that his relationship with Eddie was different from the other friendships he had in the past. He had never had a friend like Eddie. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for Eddie and that scared him a little.

_

“Can I ask you something?"

Buck and Eddie were seated on the couch facing each other.

“Of course, man. You know you can ask me anything."

“You might regret saying that."

Eddie was watching him confused. What was Buck talking about?

“Buck, you can ask me anything. I may not like it, but I’ll try to answer your questions as honestly as I can."

“When Christopher was diagnosed with CP, how did it feel?"

Buck flinched back and tried to move away from Eddie. He was scared to ask the question; he didn’t know what Eddie was going to do now that it was out there.

Eddie sighed. He knew this question was going to come up eventually. He could understand why Buck wanted to know.

“It was... Confusing. I didn’t quite understand it at the time. Instead of trying to help Shannon, I up and ran back to Afghanistan. I still hate myself for that. I am going to be making it up to Christopher for the rest of my life. I know it’s not something I need to do, but I need to do it for myself,”

Buck nodded, he wanted to say something. He knew that Eddie needed to continue with his explanation.

“I was away on and off until Christopher was two. I thought that he would have forgotten me by then. I was essentially a stranger to him. Christopher proved me wrong. He clung to me and I clung to him. We needed each other to get through Shannon leaving us. I hadn’t quite understood what it meant to be a single father. I admit, I almost fell apart. I was all alone. Shannon had left divorce papers for me to find. I had to deal with that, and I had to learn to be a single father; it was something I’d never thought I would have to do. The first few months were a struggle. I did a lot of my own research. I spoke to doctors, physical therapists, professors. I absorbed any piece of information I could get my hands on."

Buck hadn’t heard this story before. They hadn’t really brought up their pasts with each other. Buck had told Eddie bits and pieces about Ali after they had run into her during the earthquake. He didn’t like to talk about. It still hurt to think about. He understood how Eddie felt. He thought Ali had loved him instead she had ripped his heart out and left him to learn how to be a parent alone.

“There were days I just broke. I didn’t know how I was supposed to do it by myself. I was taking a step forward and a few steps back. I was going nowhere. I was as informed as I could be, but I was still lost. I was trying to be the best father I could be, but I kept doubting myself. I still do. There are good days and bad. The bad days are a struggle, but I do learn a lot from those. Christopher and I have learnt to adapt. We’ll all help you. You aren’t alone in this."

“Neither are you."

Buck needed to get up the nerve to talk about what he was going through. His thoughts were jumbled. Maybe talking about them would help him understand how he was feeling about everything.

“Bear with me here. Charlotte’s Paediatrician called me this morning. She wanted to discuss some things with me. My mind went into worst-case scenario mode. I thought Charlotte was sick."

Buck took a deep breath, ready to continue off. 

"I’m never going to abandon Charlotte. It doesn’t matter to me that she has DCD, nothing is going to change. Well, besides the obvious."

Buck was looking down towards the couch cushions more than he was looking in Eddie's direction. 

"I was terrified. I was all alone. I wanted to call you. I had to stop myself from calling you. I knew it was your day off. You were spending some much needed time with Christopher. I didn’t want to pull you away from that. I did and I’m sorry about that. I haven’t quite accepted that I am allowed to call people if I need them. I would fight against the need to do it. I even almost talked myself out of calling Bobby the day Charlotte was born. I’m trying my best. Sometimes that doesn’t work. Charlotte’s Dyspraxia diagnosis hasn’t actually sunk in yet. I am still coming to terms with everything. Has this actually happened? It doesn’t even feel real right now."

“Why are you apologizing? You needed me here. You know I’m always going to be here for you."

Buck was stronger than him. After Christopher’s diagnosis, he had just run as far away as he could. He knew what it meant to feel lost. The Army hadn’t helped no matter how much he had wanted it to.

“Dr. Mason basically implied that she thought I was abusing Charlotte."

Buck muttered quietly. Eddie had to strain to hear him. That had come out of nowhere. Did he understand him correctly?

“That can’t be right."

“I never thought I would be accused of something like that. Not that she said it outright, but it was implied. Or so I thought. I would never lay a hand on my baby like that. If I get angry, I make sure she is safe before I take myself out of the room to calm myself down. I don’t know how Dr. Mason thought I could do something like that."

Eddie had no idea what to say. There was no way he could ever lay a hand like that on Christopher, even in anger. It never made any sense to him that some parents could do that. Some people didn’t deserve to be parents.

Buck had been thrown a curveball. He now just had to react and adjust to whatever was coming his way.

Buck didn’t seem like the type of person who would run away without a fight. They were just going to have to make Buck realize that he wasn’t alone in this.

“After everything I’ve been through as a parent, I never expected this."

“We never do."


	10. Why Did I Decide To Do This?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely Beta missmeagan666 for editing my chapter and finding all my mistakes.

* * *

It had been a hard month after Charlotte’s DCD diagnosis.

Buck had done as much research as he could. Internet research and videos, he found online. He tried to absorb as much information as he could on Dyspraxia. He had spoken to Carla. She had tried to help as much as she could. There was only so much that she knew. She tried to point him in the right direction where she couldn’t help him.

They sat down together and came up with a plan of action to start making small changes in Charlotte’s everyday life.

Carla had come along to the first OT appointment. Dr. Williams had been helpful to help guide Buck in the direction he needed to go to help support Charlotte.

The Occupational Therapist had given Buck suggestions to what things he could start to implement at home to help Charlotte with her fine motor skills.

Buck knew he had to make some changes from the get-go. Yet he also needed to let Charlotte have her independence. He had to let her make her own choices. It hadn’t been easy seeing her frustrated and confused. He tried to help as much as he could without doing things for her.

Buck also started therapy once a fortnight. He needed some guidance to help find his way. He didn’t want any of his own issues getting in the way while he and Charlotte were learning to navigate this new part of their lives.

His therapist Dr. Peter Martin was a quirky older gentleman. Buck had never liked therapy in the past. He had been placed with a few different ones who he had never really clicked with. He hadn't liked their techniques or demeanors during the sessions, which was why he usually tried to avoid going to therapy. He knew they were a requirement after some tough calls that they had on some shifts.

The first session with Peter hadn't been what he was expecting. It had been different to all his previous sessions with other therapists. He hadn’t known what to expect with Peter. It had been more like chatting with an old friend instead of talking with a therapist. 

Buck had a lot to sort through, it wasn’t just his feelings about Charlotte’s DCD diagnosis he had to sort through. He had never talked to a therapist about how it had felt to become a single parent out of nowhere.

He wasn't doing this just for himself. He was going this for Charlotte.

He was going to keep at it until he felt like he didn’t need to go any longer.

_

Buck knew there were going to many changes over the coming months, especially when Charlotte started school. Which wasn’t too far away.

Buck had enrolled Charlotte in preschool. He thought it was about time. Carla taught Charlotte as much as she could while she was with her, but it was about time Buck let her go to a proper school.

It had been in the works for the last few months. It was going to be hard dropping Charlotte off for her first day. It was hard enough leaving her to go off to work, he never had to take her to school before. It was a change that he was going to have to get used to.

_

Buck had to be up early to get himself ready for work and take Charlotte off to school for her first day. He had to take her before his shift started. He had been dreading this day.

His baby was growing up too fast. 

Carla was going to be picking up Charlotte after the school day ended. Buck had wanted to do it, but he couldn't get out of his shift at that time.

Buck was packing Charlotte’s lunch box and filling her drink bottle, ready to pack into her backpack.

“Are you excited for school?"

Buck didn’t hear a reply. He looked up and saw Charlotte looking up at him with terrified eyes.

“Baby. What’s wrong?"

Buck crouched down in front of Charlotte. He cupped her face in one of his hands, he looked into her eyes. She still looked scared.

“I don’t want to go." Charlotte whispered, looked down and away from her Dad’s eyes.

“Don’t you want to make some new friends?"

Charlotte hesitated. Buck waited patiently for her to say something. He wasn’t going to push her. 

“But it’s scary."

Of course, Charlotte was scared. It was something completely new to her. She didn’t know what school was like. She grew up with her family teaching her. She had never been to school before. It was all unknown to her.

Buck didn’t know how to soothe her worries. Buck knew starting at a new school was scary. He remembered when he was Charlotte’s age clinging to his Dad and not wanting him to let go. He wasn’t the child that was screaming and clinging to a parent’s leg while they walked away. Instead, he just clung tightly to his Dad’s hand and stared at the school building like it was a monster going to eat him.

“You aren’t going to be alone. Your teacher is there to make you feel safe. We’ll meet them together. Remember, we do everything together. This is no different."

Charlotte still looked unsure. But she hesitantly agreed to go along with it.

“If you have any problems at all you tell me, and we can send Athena to tell them off."

Charlotte giggled. Athena could be scary. To be honest, Buck was still scared of her. Athena was protective of her family. No one messed with them and got away with it.

Buck finished packing Charlotte’s lunch and led Charlotte out to the car.

“Ready?"

Charlotte sighed. “I guess."

Buck laughed softly, after buckling Charlotte in he hopped into the driver’s seat and set off towards the new school.

_

“Well, this isn’t so bad."

Buck and Charlotte were standing out the front of the school. Charlotte was clinging tightly to his hand. She had the same look on her face as he did on his first day of school.

They walked towards the office to find out what classroom Charlotte had been placed into. A few other parents were standing waiting until the receptionist was freed up.

Charlotte hadn’t said much. Her gaze was darting around the room. She did not look happy to be here. She pressed herself closer to Buck.

Buck ran a hand over her dark blonde curls.

“You ok, baby?" Buck questioned softly, just loud enough for Charlotte to hear.

“I don’t-“ Charlotte cut herself off. She was more than likely overwhelmed. It was going to be hard for Charlotte. She didn’t know anyone. Christopher wasn’t starting preschool for another couple of months. He was still healing. Eddie didn’t want Christopher to be singled out too much, so, for now, he was keeping him home and teaching him what he could when he could.

Buck and Charlotte were finally pointed in the direction of Charlotte’s classroom. Her teacher Mrs. Jacobs was an older woman. She seemed nice enough. Charlotte wasn’t so sure.

Buck had explained to Mrs. Jacobs that Charlotte had DCD, and she was going to Occupational Therapy to help with her fine motor skills. Something had flickered over Mrs. Jacobs’ face, it had been too fast for Buck to read.

Buck crouched down and hugged Charlotte tightly. He didn’t want to leave her, but it was something he needed to do. No matter how hard it was.

“Remember Carla is picking you up after school. Have a good day my Sweet Girl." Buck brushed a kiss to her forehead. He quickly made his way out of the classroom before he did something to embarrass himself.

He wanted to turn back and bring Charlotte home. He fought against it. It would be good for her. She needed to be around other children, not just the 118 family.

Buck sighed. He needed to get to work before he was late. Bobby could only be lenient so much.

_

Everything had been full-on in the last month.

Buck barely had time to breathe. Or at least it felt like that. 

“Buckaroo. I hear you had to take Charlotte in for her first day at school." Hen sat down across from Buck at the firehouse dining room table.

Buck groaned. “Don’t remind me. It’s hard enough as it is."

“Karen and I took Denny to preschool last year. We barely had a chance to see him off. He was eager to start school. It was hard seeing our baby grow up so fast. We could barely drag him away from his friends at the end of the day. Charlotte will be the same. It will be good for her."

“But still. I’m just not used to it. She just needs to stay a baby."

“You’re saying that now. Those sleepless nights in the beginning were not great."

Buck could see Hen’s point, but he missed Charlotte being a tiny baby. He could spend hours just holding her and watching her sleep. He didn’t miss the time Charlotte was in the NICU. That had been a terrifying time for him.

“Charlotte was in the NICU for the first couple of weeks. I spent all my time in the hospital. I don’t think I slept the entire time she was in there."

Eddie joined Hen and Buck at the table.

“What are we talking about?"

Eddie had to take Christopher to his PT appointment before heading to work for his shift. He didn’t want to be late Bobby could only give him the benefit of the doubt so many times.

“Charlotte started preschool today."

Eddie was about to reply when the station alarms started blaring throughout the station.

Buck sighed and jumped out of his chair, then headed for the trucks. Hopefully, he could distract himself from worrying about Charlotte today.

_

The entire ride back to the station Buck had been distracted. Eddie had been shooting him concerned looks. It wasn’t like Buck to stay silent. He had been thinking about Charlotte, but more than that he had been thinking about Eddie. Buck had finally accepted his feelings and thought he should do something about it.

He had tried talking himself out of it, but he wanted to try. There was a lot he could lose. He didn’t want to lose Eddie’s friendship, but this could be worth it. He was tired of trying to hold things back.

He had pulled Eddie aside ready to talk to him.

He was about to chicken out.

No. He could do this.

Eddie was watching him, puzzled.

“Buck, are you ok?"

“Yeah. I wanted to say something."

Buck didn’t get the chance to continue. The station alarm went off again. Maybe it was a sign that he shouldn’t say anything to Eddie.

“Do you think we’ll ever get a break today?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the support on this story. I am grateful to all of you.


	11. What Am I Going To Do Maddie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about this story. My lovely beta missmeagan666 just had to do some edits. 
> 
> In the mean time I've been writing a new story to keep me busy between updates. 
> 
> Thank you for all the support on each of the chapters.

* * *

It seemed the world was against Buck. 

He didn't get another chance to talk to Eddie. Well, he did. It all seemed to be work related. 

The calls had just kept on coming without a chance to take a breath. 

Was he meant to take that as a sign?

Should he just ignore his feelings and pretend there was nothing there? 

He couldn't ignore his feelings. 

He knew his feelings for Eddie were real. This wasn't something he would ever take lightly. 

He knew that he and Eddie had grown closer. Their friendship wasn’t like any other friendship he had in the past. There was something about their friendship that was just sort of toeing the line between friendship and something more. Sometimes, Buck seemed to think they were both wanted to cross it but were hesitant to.

He could just be seeing things he wanted to.

Buck hadn’t dated anyone since Ali. All his time had been taken up with raising Charlotte and work. He had to admit that he missed the intimacy of having someone to love and be loved in return. 

Was he just supposed to keep this to himself? 

He knew that he needed to get a different perspective on this. 

Was this something he could talk to Maddie about?

Would she make fun of him for something like this?

If anything, she'd rub it in his face that she had been right all along. 

Maddie would tell it like it is. She would be supportive.

He hoped.

_

Buck had been pacing around Maddie’s living room for the last few minutes. Maddie had just been leaving him to it. She had given up watching him pace and went to fold washing.

She was letting him take his time. Maddie wasn’t going to push him if he wasn’t ready. No matter how much she wanted to. 

There had been a couple of times he thought he was ready to say something to Maddie, but then he’d just sigh and go back to pacing.

He knew what he wanted to say, he just didn’t know how to word it.

“Maddie, I need your help."

“Isn't that why you are here?"

Buck stopped his pacing to flop down on the couch next to where Maddie was folding her towels.

“I’m in love with Eddie."

Maddie didn’t look surprised. "And...?"

Why didn’t she look surprised?

He didn’t think that anyone else knew about his feelings.

Hang on. Were there other people who knew about his feelings?

Who else knew?

"Am I that obvious?"

He always knew he wore his heart on his sleeve, but he didn’t think he did when it came to something like this.

“Buck, I think it is obvious to everyone except Eddie. He wants it, too. He just doesn’t know how to ask for it. He also believes it is one-sided." 

Eddie wants it, too?

Yeah. No. 

“Maddie. He doesn’t feel the same. We are just friends. That is something I'm going to have to live with."

Her brother was an actual idiot.

Why was he fighting this? She could see that he wanted this, but he was holding himself back. 

She had never seen him like this.

“Buck. You and Eddie could be so happy together if you just gave it a chance."

“I’m not going to risk the best friendship I’ve ever had. I was going to try, but I got interrupted. I’m taking that as a sign."

How was she supposed to help guide Buck to the right decision if he just kept fighting it? She didn’t want to force him, he needed to accept it on his own. She knew that it was much easier to run away from the things you wanted. It’s harder to stay and ask for the things you want the most. There’s always going to be a chance where it just won't work out. That’s what holds people back the most. She found that with Chimney. She was still scared. She knew she wanted to be with him, but she was scared to be hurt again. 

“It is up to you, but I think you may be throwing away a chance at happiness. I’ve never seen you this happy, except when you are around Charlotte. We all just want you to be happy. Why can’t you see that?"

“What if I’m scared that Eddie is going to leave me like Ali did? That broke me. If Eddie left me that would devastate me. Don’t even get me started on how Charlotte will feel if Eddie left her. I don’t want to put Charlotte through that."

“Isn’t it worth the risk? If you go into something thinking it’s going to fail, then it will. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I think you should take the risk. Eddie has been so good for you and Charlotte."

They were getting nowhere. They were just going in circles. 

Maddie did understand where Buck was coming from. Risking your heart was scary. You are asking someone to not break your heart. It made it more complicated when you had children. Maddie didn’t have her own children yet, but she could understand why Buck didn’t want Charlotte to get hurt if things went badly.

“What am I going to do Maddie?"

It didn’t seem like Buck was listening. She knew it was something he needed to work out on his own. She couldn’t tell him what to do. No matter how much she wanted to push him in the right direction, it was his life and it was his choice to make.

“I can’t tell you what to do. I know what I want you to do. You have to make your own decisions."

“I tried that, and it didn’t work. I chickened out. I don’t know where to go from here."

He wanted to tell Eddie that he loved him. Would it be worth it? If it went the way he wanted it to, then it would absolutely be worth it. It would just be taking that step towards something.

“You don’t need to make up your mind right away. I do hope you think about it. Life’s too short to run away from something that has the potential to make you the happiest you’ve ever been."

Maddie did have a point. He knew she did. It was just hard to tell his brain that. His heart wanted to jump straight in with both feet without thinking. His brain was the one holding him back.

“I know you are right. I’m the only one holding myself back. I’ve never had anything like this before. Don’t get me wrong, Ali and I were happy together. Well, I thought we were. My feelings for Eddie are different to what I had with Ali. With Ali, we jumped in together without thinking. With Eddie, we’ve had a chance to grow together. My feelings for him have come out of my friendship with him. It is hard, I want to be with him. But I also want to protect myself from ever getting hurt again."

“Don’t you think Eddie is the same way? Eddie was hurt, too. He was abandoned by someone he thought loved him when he least expected it. You aren’t the only one who has something to lose. He has Christopher to think about. Yet, Eddie has accepted you into his and Christopher’s lives wholeheartedly. The four of you could be something special. I really hope you take the chance not just for you, but for Charlotte. You both deserve to finally be happy after everything you’ve been through." 

Buck just wanted to up and run to Eddie. He wanted to express everything he had been feeling since the day they met. He was scared. Something was holding him back. He knew that he and Eddie could be happy together. They were there for each other no questions asked. Buck never had that. It scared him how much he wanted it.

He knew he did.

He just needed to do something about it.


	12. Seeing Her Cry Breaks My Heart

After his conversation with Maddie, Buck had a lot to think about.

It had helped talking to Maddie. He had needed to hear what she had to say. Not matter how much he kept doubting himself.

After everything, he knew Maddie was right. He needed to do something about his feelings before they just spilled out and he can’t take them back. Not that he wanted to take them back.

He had come to terms that he was in love with Eddie and actually wanted to something about it.

He just didn’t know where to begin.

There were other things he needed to think about right now.

He had just picked Charlotte up from Preschool.

She wasn’t acting like herself. She would usually be chatting away instead she was too quiet.

During the drive home, she had kept silent. Buck could see her from the rear-view mirror looking down. He could have sworn he saw her lip trembling.

He tried to get her to say something, anything at all. She just kept shaking her head. She was refusing to speak.

His heart sank.

What happened today? 

This wasn’t like her. He was worried something had happened.

Charlotte went to hide in her room as soon as they had gotten home.

Something was wrong.

What had happened at school that had made her this upset?

He didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, his mind was going crazy with different things that could have gone wrong.

Nothing could have prepared him for this.

Buck made his way to Charlotte’s door. He steeled himself before knocking gently.

He waited a moment before entering. Charlotte had tucked herself into the far corner of her bedroom. She had curled herself into a tight ball. He could see a lone tear glistening on his cheek.

He stood frozen in the doorway.

He didn’t know if he could do this. He never had to do something like this before.

“Lottie? Sweet Girl."

Buck slowly walked over to Charlotte and sat down next to her. He let her come to him. He didn’t want to push her, no matter how hard it was.

She looked up at him with sad eyes. Her cheeks were tear-streaked.

Charlotte threw herself into his arms and clung to him. She started to cry harder. He had never seen her like this before.

Did he mess up by sending her to preschool before she was ready?

Buck just sat on the floor holding onto Charlotte tightly. What more could he do? All he could do was hold her and just listen when she was ready to talk.

He would do anything he could to protect her. He knew he wasn’t the only one who would protect her. They had the 118 on their side.

He ran his fingers through Charlotte’s dark blonde curls. He didn’t know how else to soothe her. He was trying. He was still learning how to be a parent. There was going to be times where he messed up, at least he was trying.

“Daddy. People mean."

He could barely hear what she had been saying, but he had heard all he needed to.

“What people baby?"

Charlotte was speaking quietly into his shirt. Her words were muffled, he had to strain to hear what she was saying. 

Charlotte was trying to explain through her cries. The words were coming out broken and jumbled. Buck held onto Charlotte tightly, he was pressing kisses to her head and trying to hold back his own tears.

He needed to talk to Athena and see what his options were about getting this teacher brought up on discrimination charges if that was even a thing. That is if he was interpreting what Charlotte was trying to say. Her teacher and classmates were making fun of her because she had DCD and struggled to keep up with the other kids.

He clung onto Charlotte. He needed to do something about this. He was going to transfer her. He couldn’t keep her at that school if she was being bullied. He wasn’t going to leave her there while she was crying out for help. He wasn’t going to subject her to that. There was something he could, and he was going to do it.

Buck noticed a crumpled piece of paper lying discarding on Charlotte’s bedroom floor next to her backpack. Where had that come from?

Charlotte had drawn a picture of their family. Which consisted of him and Charlotte. Eddie and Christopher also made an appearance in the picture. Charlotte had also tried to draw the rest of the 118, but it seemed that she didn’t a chance to finish the picture. She had been part way through drawing her Grandpa Bobby, there was a line across the page where it looked like someone had pulled the page away from her.

Charlotte tried explaining to Buck that another child in her class had said her picture wasn’t accurate. That a family had a Mommy and a Daddy, not like how Charlotte had drawn it.

“Daddy. Why don’t I have a Mommy?"

Buck’s heart couldn’t take it. He knew she was going to ask him at some point. He just hadn’t been prepared for it to come out now.

How was he supposed to tell her that her Mom had left her without even knowing her?

How was Charlotte supposed to take that?

Charlotte wasn’t disposable.

“Not every family looks the same..."

First, he needed to be there for Charlotte. They’d deal with everything else later.

_

They sat on Charlotte’s bedroom floor for a long time. Charlotte struggled to stop her tears from coming. Buck’s heart had finally shattered completely. His own tears had broken through. He had tried to be strong for Charlotte, but he couldn’t hold back.

Charlotte had finally cried herself to sleep.

Buck had tried to be as honest as he could about Ali. It had been hard to get through. He wasn’t completely over it himself.

He was scared to fully give his heart to someone new. He didn’t want to be abandoned again. It had been hard enough the first time.

Was Eddie worth it?

Buck knew the answer to that. He knew that he had already given his heart to Eddie. Even though Eddie didn’t know it yet.

_

Buck had taken the time to call Athena. He had hesitated at first. He didn’t know if he could go to Athena with something like this.

He didn’t want Charlotte to be scared to go to school. He wasn’t going to send her back to that school. He was pulling her out immediately. It was probably an extreme reaction, but he just wanted to protect her from being hurt.

He was lost. What was he supposed to do in this situation? This had never happened to him before. Was transferring her to a new school the right move? He thought it was. He didn’t want Charlotte to think that bullying was ok.

He knew that Athena was going to help in any way she could. He didn’t want to think about what that was. Athena was scary. You didn’t want to get on her bad side.

_

It had been a week since Charlotte had broken down.

It had been hard.

He had pulled her out of school the next day. Athena had come with him. She had stormed the building.

Buck had watched while she chewed out the principal.

Then Athena chewed out Charlotte’s ex-teacher.

It had been a sight to see.

The principal had looked sheepish and a bit terrified when Athena had been chewing him out.

The teacher ended up being fired for discrimination.

It didn’t feel like enough.

_

He had started the process to get Charlotte enrolled in a special needs preschool. The same one Christopher had been enrolled at. Christopher wasn’t going to be starting for another month-ish.

He hoped that Charlotte was much happier at this school.

The school had wanted to do a parent interview. They had tried to get him to bring Ali in, but since she had signed away her rights, the school had decided to flag that requirement.

Buck had to dig out the custody papers Ali had sent his way after the earthquake as proof. She had completely signed away her rights. She was out of their lives.

It was time to finally move on.

_

Eddie was tagging along to Charlotte’s next OT appointment.

He had wanted to observe. He had told Buck that he wanted to be able to help Charlotte out where he could. He had been doing his own research. He wanted to be informed as possible. He hadn’t wanted Buck to have to be alone in this.

After sitting down with Dr. Williams and going over Charlotte’s progress, she got Charlotte to practice holding onto a pencil and colour a picture of a flower.

It had taken a few tries for Charlotte to hold the yellow pencil comfortably.

A pencil grip had been attached to make holding the pencil more comfortable for Charlotte.

Buck was sitting taking notes, he was still learning everything he needed to know about Dyspraxia.

Dr. Williams had given him a few options where he could pick up supplies to help Charlotte along.

Charlotte seemed to be concentrating deeply, she was so focussed at trying to stay in the lines. She would start to get frustrated when she would accidentally colour outside of the lines.

Dr. Williams was trying a technique where for each petal that Charlotte managed to colour in, she would get to play with a toy of her choice for a few minutes. It was going to take time for Charlotte to have more control over her hand.

Dr. Williams had come up with a list of goals that she wanted Charlotte to work on. Buck would work on a goal with Charlotte. Carla was going to do another goal.

Buck was going to work on getting Charlotte to be able to feed herself with cutlery. Mealtimes could be a challenging time for Charlotte, she wanted to be able to feed herself. Yet, she still struggled.

He hated seeing her struggle. Buck wanted to be able to help, but he also knew that she needed to do things on her own. He had been given a set of techniques to use from Dr. Williams to help with assisting Charlotte with using a fork or spoon. She didn’t need to use a knife yet.

Carla was going to start helping Charlotte with her balance. That was going to help a lot. Charlotte needed to have more confidence in her balance and coordination.

At a later date, Dr. Williams wanted to teach Charlotte to tie her laces. She didn’t want Charlotte to be too overwhelmed with learning too many things at once. They were just going to be teaching Charlotte what she needed to learn for now.

Charlotte was still a bit scared of going to her new school. She had thought she had to go back to the old one. It had broken his heart when he saw Charlotte break down shaking and crying because she didn’t want to go back.

It had taken him some time to calm her down for him to tell her she wasn’t going back to that school. She was going to a new one. She would be going to school with Christopher once he had healed enough to go to school.

She had hesitantly agreed to go, only because she would be going to school with Christopher. They were going to help each other settle into school.

It was going to be good for her.

He didn’t want to go through this again. It had been hard enough the first time. He barely made it through. He was not unscathed. His heart had taken some damage.

They’d get through this.


	13. When Did That Happen?

The tables had turned.

It was now Buck being called into work.

He had to get Eddie to agree to watch Charlotte. Carla had been apologetic. She had an unavoidable family emergency.

“Eddie. I need a favour."

He hated asking.

Buck had promised Bobby that he would make up the time he had taken off to wait with Eddie at the hospital when Christopher had been having his surgeries.

Bobby was now calling it in.

“Are you asking if I can watch Charlotte?"

Buck was trying to multitask. He was making sure his duffle bag was fully packed while he talked to Eddie. Charlotte was sitting at the table eating breakfast. She was focussed on her bowl and not spilling any cereal on herself. They may have to do a quick outfit change before they leave. He should have just kept her in her pyjamas while she ate breakfast.

Well, he knows now. 

Oh well. Trial and Error. They were still learning as they went.

“Carla has a family emergency that she can’t get away from. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate."

Buck could hear shuffling on the other line. Buck had his phone pressed between his ear and shoulder while he zipped up his duffle bag. He had to quickly pack Charlotte’s backpack ready for her day with Eddie and Christopher. If Eddie agreed that is.

“Bring her over. She's always welcome."

“What about me? Am I always welcome?"

Eddie snorted out a laugh. “Just bring her over."

“You didn’t answer my question."

He heard nothing on the other end and realized that Eddie had hung up on him.

“Charlotte! Are we ready to go to see Eddie and Christopher?"

_

Eddie stood in the doorway and watched Buck drive away.

“What do we want to do today?”

“Can we do baking please, Papa?"

Eddie could feel tears pricking at his eyes. His heart had just completely melted. He was about to answer Charlotte when he saw the look on her face.

She looked scared, like she thought Eddie was going to yell at her for accidentally calling him Papa. She seemed to be trying to back away from him. She looked ready to bolt.

“Charlie. Come here _Mi Niña."_ Eddie scooped Charlotte into his arms and held onto her tightly.

“You can call me Papa if you want. I’m not going to be angry at you."

Eddie brought Charlotte over to the couch.

“We can share my Daddy." Christopher pulled himself on the couch and reached out to brush Charlotte’s tears away.

What was he going to tell Buck?

_

It had taken some bribing to get Charlotte to calm down.

He was going to need to sacrifice the cleanliness of his kitchen.

The kitchen was going to be a disaster.

He could picture it now.

Eddie had gone digging through his pantry and fridge looking for all the ingredients they needed to make cookies.

He had found some chocolate chips buried in the back of the cupboard. He must have hidden them away from himself and forgotten about them. He had a bit of a sweet tooth. He tried not to keep sweets in the house, they were too tempting otherwise. He had zero willpower when it came to sweets.

He would always completely avoid the candy aisle when he went grocery shopping. He was weak when it came to chocolate. Which is probably why he hid the chocolate chips away.

Eddie measured out all the ingredients. He let Charlotte mix the wet ingredients while Christopher took charge of mixing the dry.

He’d let them decorate the cookies once they had cooled. He had a few different icings and sprinkles to add to the cookies.

Decorating would keep them busy for at least an hour.

_

He doesn’t know how it happened. He had carried Charlotte into the bathroom to clean her up. She had managed to get icing down the front of her shirt, in her hair and even on her ear.

He needed to bathe her. It was going to be easier than using a washcloth.

He started running the bath.

Christopher had managed to keep himself mostly clean. His face and hands just needed a wipe down.

He took a photo of Charlotte completely covered in the icing to send to Buck before getting her ready for the bath.

At least Buck packed a spare change of clothes for Charlotte. He wasn’t going to send her home covered in icing.

_

The three of them were snuggled up on the couch. Charlotte was flushed pink from her bath. He had changed her into the spare change of clothes that Buck had left for her.

Charlotte and Christopher had talked him into watching a movie with them. He really should be tidying up the kitchen. It looked like a tornado ripped through the kitchen. There was flour covering the bench and scattered across the floor, Eddie had even managed to get some in his hair.

The icing was still smeared across the bench in colourful streaks.

He needed to deep clean the kitchen. It badly needed a clean, but he had been summoned. 

They had settled in to watch Finding Nemo. Christopher had already seen it a million times already. Eddie could probably quote the movie by now with how many times he had seen it himself.

He had Charlotte and Christopher pressed up close to him. He wasn’t going to be able to move anytime soon. 

He had been surprised when Charlotte had attached herself to him. She had seemed to trust him from that first day they had met. He hadn’t been expecting it to be that easy.

That first day he had seen a young father at his breaking point. He had been there. He had only wished when he had been going through it that someone would have stepped in to help.

When he had taken her off Buck’s hands, Charlotte had clung to him as she sobbed. It had tugged at his heartstrings to see her so distressed.

Now, he was allowed to watch her grow in front of his eyes. He had watched her struggle to be independent after her diagnosis. She wasn’t going to let her Dyspraxia stop her from trying. No matter how much she got frustrated, she wanted to do things herself. Christopher was the same. He was still learning what his limitations were.

After everything they had been through together, he didn’t know when it had happened, but he had fallen in love with the little family. It had taken him longer to realize what he had been feeling for Buck wasn’t just friendship.

Charlotte calling him Papa had cemented everything for him.

It hadn’t been an easy thing to comprehend. He had never considered dating a man until now. The attraction to Buck had been there from the start no matter how much he tried to deny it. He couldn’t label himself; it just didn’t feel right. He wasn’t attracted to men in general. It was just Buck. Buck was not what he had been expecting. He needed Buck in his life. He had tried to deny it at first. He fought it, in the end, his feelings for Buck had won out.

He just couldn’t help it. Buck and Charlotte and snuck their way into his heart. He didn’t want them to leave.

He knew that he had started falling in love with Buck towards the beginning of their friendship. He hadn’t been expecting Buck to drop everything to come and sit with him. It had meant a lot to him. He had been scared and alone while he waited to hear about Christopher.

Having Buck’s unwavering support had gotten him through that day.

When Charlotte had been diagnosed with DCD had been a shock, neither of them had been expecting it. He knew how it felt to be blindsided like that. He had completely understood Buck’s reaction.

He had adjusted well since that day. It had taken a lot of trial and error, but with the help of Carla and Charlotte’s new occupational therapist, they were managing.

He didn’t know what he was going to do with his feelings for Buck.

Did Buck even feel the same way about him?

After Shannon had left him, he didn’t want to move on. He couldn’t believe that Shannon had done that to them. Would he have preferred for her to tell him to his face that she wanted a divorce? Maybe. Maybe it would have been easier to let go that way. He knew he would have ended up with a broken heart, either way, she went about it.

He had to explain to Christopher that his Mommy had left. He had to break his son’s heart. Christopher hadn’t understood it, he had just thought she had left for a few days. Eddie had to watch his son’s heart break every day until he realized that she wasn’t coming back.

He didn’t want to be hurt that way again. Why should he risk his heart when he was fine the way things were now?

He knew he wasn’t completely fine with being just friends. He couldn’t help that his feelings for Buck had changed. They had grown closer without him realizing. It seemed so natural that he had fallen in love with Buck. Not that he was going to do anything about it.

He just had to keep telling himself that he was fine with how things were. Nothing was going to change.

They were best friends, nothing more. It was going to be hard to come to terms with that, he was just going to have to live with it.

Did he want to live that way?

If something was going to happen, he wasn’t going to be the one to initiate it. He was too scared. He had too much to lose.

Not that Buck didn’t have anything to lose. Buck was the brave one out of the two of them. If anything was going to happen it was going to have to be Buck.

If he was interested that is.

He had thought Buck was going to say something to him about his feelings once, they had been interrupted before Buck had the chance to say anything further. He had wanted to ask Buck what he was going to say, he just didn’t get a chance to.

He was conflicted about everything. He knew he wasn’t going to be the brave one.

People thought that since he was an ex-soldier that he was brave. If anything, he was a coward. He didn’t know how to put himself out there. He had been hurt in the past that had made him scared to put himself out there.

He would just have to keep telling himself that he was happy with how things were now.

He knew that things weren’t going to change.

No matter how badly he wanted them to.


	14. Why Is She Flirting With Buck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter. 
> 
> I'm going to release a teaser for my next story in my last chapter of Growing Together. What chapter between 1-5 do you all want the teaser from? You can put the answer on the Tumblr on the post for this chapter of Growing Together. Username: angeldawnnimbus
> 
> Thank you all for your support on this story.

* * *

The 118 was putting on its annual toy drive. 

The station was open to the public. They had the chance to explore the firehouse and make donations for the local children’s hospital.

The toy drive was already in full swing by mid morning. 

Each of the firefighters had been assigned jobs to control the masses. Hen and Chimney were showing the children around the trucks. Davis and Daniels were supervising the children using the fireman's pole. 

Eddie had brought Christopher along for the day. He was always eager to come along to the station. He had only been to the station a couple of times before today.

Bobby had put them both on the volunteer sign up table. Which was on the other side of the station from Buck and Charlotte. Eddie could see Buck and Charlotte across at the toy collection table. They were wearing matching Santa hats. Hen had already come around and taken pictures of the pair. 

Buck had only been to a few of these before. This year the station seemed more packed than it usually would be at these toy drives.

He could barely hear Charlotte trying to talk to him over the chatter and squeals of children.

Bobby had tried to give them fair warning that a reporter was going to be coming to the station to do a story on their toy drive. 

What they hadn't realized who it was going to be until Taylor Kelly had walked into the station; the entire mood of the station had changed. 

The air around them had become stifling with the tension she brought to the station. 

The moment Buck had been dreading had arrived. 

Looking around the rest of the station, it seemed like the rest of the 118 had been dreading it, too. 

They didn’t want to be put on camera again. Neither did Buck. 

He wasn’t camera shy, he just wanted to be left alone to do his job. There were things more important than being interviewed for the nightly news. 

He hated being interviewed. It was just so invasive. The camera being pushed in his face made him uncomfortable.

He would always try to be polite and professional when all he wanted was to run away. 

He would use any excuse he could to get away. 

After some calls Buck just needed to break down. It would help him get out everything he had been feeling during the call. He would struggle through interviews; he would have to push every emotion away so he wouldn’t break down on camera. Pushing away his emotions wasn't something he liked to do. He didn't like that part of himself. 

Buck had grown to resent reporters. He wasn’t the type of person to be judgemental, but reporters always seemed to rub him the wrong way.

_

Bobby wasn’t all that impressed that he needed to be welcoming to Taylor Kelly. He didn’t want a reporter invading his station. 

Bobby saw Taylor Kelly heading straight towards Buck. She looked like a woman on a mission. 

Buck hadn’t noticed that she was headed in his direction. He had been crouched down in front of Charlotte brushing away some hair that had fallen into her face. 

Buck looked up and saw Taylor Kelly coming his way. He looked startled for a brief moment. He had tried to hide himself behind Charlotte. It was a humorous sight to see, a six-foot, two man hiding behind his three feet tall daughter. 

Bobby stopped to watch the interaction. He was curious to see what Buck would do. Buck was a little overprotective of Charlotte. He was trying to keep her out of view from the camera, but not making it look like he was doing so.

Hen had come and stood next to Bobby. 

“This isn’t going to go well."

Hen had been glancing between where Eddie was standing and where Buck was trying to avoid talking to Taylor. 

Bobby had to agree. This wasn’t going to go well.

Taylor Kelly had already invaded their station once before. It wasn’t something any of them liked to remember. 

It had almost been a disaster. One that would have tarnished the station's reputation if it had gotten out. Luckily, it had never gotten to that.

The last time Taylor was at the station, she had tried flirting with Buck. He had even told her to her face that he wasn’t interested. She hadn’t gotten the message.

Since Buck was ignoring Taylor, she had turned her attention to Charlotte. Buck didn’t look completely happy about that. He looked like he wanted to snatch Charlotte away from Taylor’s gaze.

Watching the exchange between Charlotte and Taylor, Taylor’s body language looked quite stiff. It seemed like she didn’t know how to act around children.

She didn’t appear to be comfortable around them at all. Bobby couldn’t hear the exchange over the sounds of laughter and squeals from the other children in the station, but Taylor’s words seemed to be stilted going from her body language.

Why was she at a toy drive if she wasn’t comfortable around children? It was a given that there were going to be children here. 

“Look. Eddie’s going over." Hen snorted nudging Bobby. 

“Well, that didn’t take long."

Bobby was holding his breath unconsciously. What was Eddie about to do? Could Eddie control himself?

They all knew that there was a connection between Buck and Eddie from the very beginning. They had been integrating their families from the start, but Buck and Eddie were fighting the connection between the two of them instead of finally giving in to it.

Bobby knew how hard it was to put yourself out there. Buck and Eddie had both been hurt so much. After all that, it was hard to take that chance.

They both had a lot to lose if it didn’t work out, but they had a lot more to gain if they took the chance. 

Eddie had positioned himself in front of Charlotte and Buck. He was trying to protect them from Taylor’s sharp gaze. Eddie had tried to make himself seem taller; Bobby did have to admit that Eddie did look intimidating trying to protect his family. 

Chimney had left his post after handing the reins to Firefighter Jacobs. Chimney detoured over to the volunteer sign up table, Chimney scooped Christopher into his arms and brought him over to where Hen and Bobby were standing. 

He really should make Eddie go back to the sign up table, but he wanted to see how this how thing played out. He would step in if it got out of hand.

“What do you think, Christopher?"

Christopher pursed his lips. 

“Bucky doesn’t look happy."

Buck didn’t look happy. He was more tense than before. He now had Charlotte in his arms trying to hide her from view. 

Bobby could see Eddie’s mouth moving rapidly. Please say he wasn’t insulting her. That was the last thing the station needed.

He needed to step in. If he didn’t, this was going to go on longer than it should. Eddie was going to end up saying something and get them all in trouble. Eddie was having a stare down with Taylor. 

What was he thinking? 

“Buckley! Diaz! Back to work!"

Buck and Eddie snapped to attention. Bobby saw Eddie’s lips move as he said something to Buck and Charlotte before walking back to the volunteer sign up table. 

There was a small line of people waiting to donate toys to the drive. They were awkwardly waiting for Buck to notice that they were standing there.

Even complete strangers started to notice the tension.

_

What had he been thinking? 

He was probably being completely obvious about his feelings. 

He couldn’t help it. Something had just come over him. He had never been like this before. Something in him had just seemed to snap.

This whole day was already a disaster. 

He was supposed to be professional. Not some Neanderthal that was trying to protect his family from the enemy. 

Eddie realized that the entire station had seen the altercation between him and Taylor Kelly. 

He was acting like a jealous husband when he and Buck weren’t even together. 

His feelings weren’t helping him get anything done. If anything, they were interfering with his work. 

He needed to get a handle on his feelings.

Or, he needed to just tell Buck. No matter how terrifying it seemed.

It was getting harder not to blurt them out. He had nearly slipped up multiple times. He knew he had told himself that he wasn’t going to be the one to put himself out there, but it was getting harder not to. 

_

Eddie had been surprised that he hadn’t completely derailed the toy drive. Most people hadn’t even noticed the confrontation going on at the toy collection table.

Bobby hadn’t been all that impressed about Eddie’s confrontation with Taylor. Eddie had been moved to the fire truck tours. It was probably for the best. He didn’t need to be distracted by watching Buck. He ended up swapping jobs with Chimney. 

Buck and Charlotte were out of his view. He tried to focus on showing the children the different parts of the fire trucks, but he was distracted. 

It was hard to keep his mind off protecting Buck and Charlotte. 

He just needed to focus on the Toy Drive and not Buck and Charlotte.

That was going to be impossible.

_

What the hell had that been about? 

He hadn’t been expecting Eddie to come over and step in between him, Charlotte and Taylor. 

Eddie’s posture had been stiff. It was like he had been trying to protect them from Taylor. He had never seen Eddie that way before.

Did that mean that Eddie had feelings for him? 

Or was he just seeing what he wanted to see?

He had to admit that he was grateful for Eddie stepping in. 

Taylor’s flirting had made him uncomfortable. Especially in front of Charlotte.

Taylor had made him want to run and hide. She just rubbed him the wrong way. He knew he needed to be polite, but he just wanted to run in the opposite direction. 

He wanted to take Charlotte as far away as he could away from the station. Why did he bring her in the first place? He thought this would be fun for her. Instead, it was just making her uncomfortable.

Buck usually enjoyed these toy drives, but this year the excitement had just been sucked out of it.

Instead of being focussed on the toy drive he had been hyperaware of his feelings for Eddie. They was becoming more of a distraction.

He knew he needed to do something about his feelings for Eddie.

They were getting harder to avoid. 

_

Bobby waited until they had come to the end of shift to talk to Eddie. 

Eddie needed a push to do something about his feelings. Bobby was going to give him a gentle nudge in the right direction.

He knew Eddie’s behaviour today wasn’t completely professional. It wasn’t like Eddie to do something like that. It seems his feelings were clouding his judgement.

“Do you want to tell me what happened today?"

Eddie sighed; he knew this was going to happen. He knew it needed to happen. 

“I have no idea. I saw how uncomfortable Buck was, and I just reacted."

“You need to do something about these feelings you have for Buck. Tell him. We can’t have you distracted at work. People’s lives depend on us being completely able to focus. I can’t have you distracted. You are going to put lives at risk. I know you don’t want that. We are here to support you, Eddie. We all want you to be happy. Take the chance." 

“I’m just scared."

“It is hard putting yourself out there. You aren’t the only one who has something to lose here. You have a lot more to gain if you just take the chance. You won’t regret it."


	15. You Want Things To Change?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the final chapter! 
> 
> Thank you to my lovely beta missmeagan666. 
> 
> Thank you all for the support on this story. 
> 
> Have posted a teaser for Chapter 3 of my next story in the end notes.

* * *

After everything Buck and Eddie had been through together.

This just might be the scariest thing Buck was going to have to conquer.

_

Buck didn’t know where to begin.

He was overthinking it again.

It was hard not to.

Bobby and Athena were hosting an early Christmas party for the 118 and their families.

It had been just what they needed after the year they all had.

The 118 were going to be working on Christmas day. They couldn’t get out of it. Charlotte had been disappointed and upset. She wouldn't talk to him for a few hours in retaliation.

Buck hated having to tell her that he wouldn’t be home Christmas Day.

He hated disappointing her.

No one wanted to work over Christmas. It just worked out that way. Emergencies didn’t stop just because it was a holiday. If anything, things were much worse over Christmas.

People seemed to be much more reckless.

Charlotte had been pulled from his arms by Bobby earlier. Buck was watching them dancing around the living room. Bobby was spinning around with Charlotte in his arms while she laughed. It had been a beautiful sight to see, seeing his daughter so happy.

Buck could see Hen and Karen sitting together on the couch. Hen was snapping photos of Bobby and Charlotte from her spot on the couch. She had Christopher sitting on the other side of her, He was laughing at Bobby and Charlotte’s antics.

Denny and Harry had come along to drag Christopher off to play with them. They wanted something more exciting than adults just standing around talking.

Buck made a mental note to get the photos off Hen. He had wanted every photo he could get of Charlotte. Hen had even snapped a few of Charlotte and Christopher together.

He wanted those memories.

These were the ones he never wanted to forget.

Maddie came over and sat on the edge of his seat.

“Come on Buck. You should be enjoying the party."

“Who says I’m not?"

“Buck, it’s Christmas. You’re supposed to be having fun, not sitting around moping."

Maddie pulled Buck out of his seat.

“What do you want me to do Maddie? Bobby has stolen my daughter away from me?"

“Come dance with me then."

“Maddie, you know I don’t dance."

“But I want to dance with my baby brother."

“Can’t you dance with Chimney? Or you know or someone else who would enjoy it."

Maddie wasn’t taking a no for an answer. Buck ended up spinning Maddie around the living room to a Christmas song that he hadn’t heard of before. Buck had to admit he did like dancing with his sister. They used to dance like this when they were younger. Instead, it would be Maddie spinning him around the living room. He had tried spinning her around when he was little.

It had been a bit disastrous.

He had missed it after she moved out to marry Doug.

“When are you going to tell him?"

“What are you talking about?" Buck asks, twirling Maddie again.

“Dumb is not a good look on you."

Buck sought out Eddie’s gaze from across the room.

“I haven’t decided yet." 

_

Buck excused himself from the party to go outside to get some fresh air.

He hadn’t realized that someone had followed him out.

“Buck? You left pretty quickly. What’s wrong?"

After everything, he and Eddie had been through. This was going to one of the scariest things they had been through together.

Buck startled out of his thoughts. He hadn’t expected it to be Eddie who followed him out. Who was he kidding? Of course, it was going to be Eddie. They always had each other’s backs.

Buck had been about to reply when Eddie had cut him off. 

“Wait. Hang on. Before you say anything. I’ve been meaning to tell you. I've just never seem to be able to find the right time. Charlotte called me Papa the other day. That isn’t going to scare me away. I want that. I want to be her Papa. I want to be with you. I want our family to be together. If things have to stay the same. I’ll just have to live with it. Just please don’t take Charlotte away from me. Ok, now you can talk."

He lived through Ali leaving him, being a single parent and Charlotte’s diagnosis. He could live through this.

Buck didn’t turn to look at Eddie. Buck needed to get his thoughts out, then he’d be able to see what Eddie’s reaction was.

“I don’t know when it happened. No, that’s a lie. I do know when it happened. I wasn’t meant to fall in love with you, but I did. I just need you to know. You don’t know how many times I’ve almost told you. I kept talking myself out of doing this. Just know, nothing has to change not if you don’t want it to. I’ll still be there for you and Christopher for whatever you need. It’s just going to take me time to move on from loving you. No matter how much I don’t want to move on, I know I’m going to have to."

Buck’s heart was racing in his chest. He had just put himself out there.

It was all now out in the open.

He couldn’t take it back now.

He didn’t want to take it back even if he could.

He knew it would hurt to have Eddie to turn him down. He knew it would break him a little, but that would be something he would have to live with.

Hang on. Did Eddie just say what he thought he did?

Buck could feel Eddie standing close behind him. Buck steeled himself to turn around and face him.

“Did you say Charlotte called you Papa?" “What if I want things to change." Buck and Eddie of course had to try talk over each other. They both needed to get everything out in the open. After holding back for so long, they were only just now getting impatient.

“Hang on. Did you just say you want things to change?"

“You’re not the only one who fell in love, Buck. You changed my life. You and Charlotte came into our lives when we needed you the most. I had no idea that you and Charlotte were going to be a big part of my life. I love you, Buck. I’m not planning on changing that anytime soon."

_

“Oh my God." Maddie breathed.

Maddie watched Eddie approach Buck. She saw Eddie stop for a few moments, before he stepped closer to Buck.

“What are you looking at out there?" Athena had stepped up next to Maddie, Athena peered out the window curiously.

“I think it’s finally happening." Maddie’s heart started hammering in anticipation. She couldn’t believe it.

It was finally happening.

Buck wasn’t saying anything, but Maddie could see that her brother was surprised.

Maddie was holding her breath.

“What are we watching over here?" Chimney came over to join Maddie and Athena.

“It’s finally happening."

Chimney knew exactly what Maddie was implying, They had all been waiting for this to happen. They shouldn’t be watching, but they had been waiting for this moment from the very beginning. They wanted to be a part of this moment.

In a non-creepy way. 

Maddie watched Eddie cup her brother’s face in his hands and finally brought their lips together.

Maddie couldn’t help the squeal that had escaped from her lips. She cupped a hand over her mouth to cover the scream.

Yet, it didn’t seem to matter, Buck and Eddie hadn’t even noticed.

It was Chimney that couldn’t help but let out a whistle. That set off the rest of the group, they all stood cheering for Buck and Eddie.

Maddie felt a tear slip down her cheek.

“Took you two long enough!"

_

Buck and Eddie had broken apart quickly when they had heard Chimney whistle. Buck’s cheeks were already flushed red from the cold. He was now bright red; he couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed at the attention.

Buck pressed a kiss to Eddie’s cheek and went to head back inside to join the team. Eddie stopped Buck, he pulled him back and pressed another short kiss to his lips before finally letting Buck go.

Buck let out a breathless laugh.

Buck saw Charlotte come barrelling towards him out the backdoor. He held out his arms to her, once she had reached him, he swung her into his arms and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

Charlotte held her arms out to Eddie.

“Papa! I want a cuddle." Eddie took Charlotte out Buck’s arms. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before holding her tightly to his chest.

Buck took Eddie’s hand in his and they walked back into the house. They didn’t quite get into the house before they were ambushed by the family.

Maddie pulled him aside.

“Why are you crying?" Buck wiped away Maddie’s tears.

“I’m just happy for you. How did we get so grown up, Evan?"

Buck wrapped Maddie in his arms.

“You a grown-up? Maddie, you can barely cook for yourself."

“Uh, excuse me. I can cook."

“Maddie. You can barely follow a recipe. You need to learn. How about I teach you."

“Buck, I’m supposed to be the one teaching you things."

Buck snorted and shook his head.

“You can’t cook. How are you supposed to teach me if you can’t cook?"

Buck nudged Maddie playfully.

“Maddie just admit it. You can’t cook. Neither could I before Charlotte."

“Fine, you know what. I’m only going to say this once. You are right..." Maddie spoke quickly before walking away to go join the rest of the team.

Buck saw Eddie watching him from across the room.

Did Eddie really watch him that much and he just hadn’t noticed?

At least now Buck could watch Eddie as much as he liked without having to hide it.

He was now going to enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Growing Our Family Chapter 3 Teaser: 
> 
> He never thought he’d get here.
> 
> After everything that had happened in his life, he never thought he’d get to this point.
> 
> No matter how much he had wanted all of this in the past, it all had seemed so far out of reach.
> 
> Before now, he had found no one that he wanted to spend his life with.
> 
> He and Eddie had always seemed to just fit. 
> 
> Had he always been this impatient before?
> 
> The waiting was the hardest part.
> 
> He couldn’t wait to marry Eddie.


End file.
